PUNK ROCK PRINCESS

ladies night at phuture <:

2012-02-24T14:16:00.001+08:00

I've decided, because of my piling workload, and the pains that my stomach is giving me from overconsumption of too spicy food, I should give myself a break today. So I'm going to watch Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot with my mom, because I love doing old granny activities like that.

Oh, but not before doing a short update. I really have a lot of photos and I feel compelled to smack them here regardless of whether they're accompanied by eloquent narrative, because as the BC said, I need my blog to be able to retain my memories for that moment of life flashing past in my head before I die. LOL.

This kinda makeup can only mean one thing: I WAS GOING TO CLUBBBBB. Heh. First ladies' night of the year! Can only be spent at Zouk. Met Huimin for dinzx at Thai Express first.

Beef kuay teow wasn't v naise; it was too salty!

Then we met HANGYYYYYYY :D Miss this two so much. Sometimes thinking about it, I really miss AJ life. The whole bumming around near the tracks at our temporary classroom, and nua-ing during the break before econs class where Terrence would saunter in with his papers and pen. Always used to kena his stupid pen on my head. ABUSE!!

We did it Minzx's way. Getting our chops at Phuture, then going to Clarke quay for drinks. Lolololol all the photos're shitty because they're taken by my phone. I drank 7/8 martini glasses of vodka&lime. Wenhang was designated carer of the night so she didn't drink much looooooool okay I kid. She prefers wine.

Back in Phuture's washroom!

Minx was v high by then, as y'can tell. :x

(; (; (;

The night was fun! 'cept for some hiccups, ahem. Second time clubbing with Minx and first time clubbing with Hangy. HANGY WORE A DRESS (: So pretty, please! Love y'all both.

And on a very unrelated note, here are some things I've been eating recently:

CUSTARD PUFF BY BEARD PAPA. Love this. Can be found at Taka's basement!

Customized black pepper chicken chop just for me! Usual one would have mixed veggies, onions, no coleslaw, bread and a potato with a slab of butter, along with the main dish. But for mine I requested MORE onions, double servings of coleslaw, no mixed veggies, no potato, and no bread. :DDDDDDDDDD If you wanna eat this, please text me I can bring you hahahaha. I don't think they'd make such customized orders for typical customers.

Forever my favorite, raspberry white chocolate cheesecake from The Coffeebean & Tea Leaf. I cannot even begin to describe my adoration for it. It makes me so happy in ways that would be vulgar to state here. I kid.

And on another random jump, here are photos I took after suffering a chilly night out in just a tank and shorts:

Photobooth!

iphone

Forever in love with NYX Tokyo lip cream.

& I call this my S-T-A-R face. That's what you are, 'cos you're big in Japan, you're big in Japan!

Have a good nua day, y'all! Much love. <:

Horrible thoughts

2012-02-24T02:57:00.001+08:00

I felt sickly in the morning. I didn't want to speak to anyone the whole of this day; I wanted to be alone. I know not where this introverted emotion was stemming from, all I knew was that I had to get away soon, if I had to pretend I was okay I wasn't going to be. It was just simmering underneath the surface.

When I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower I cried.

I avoid buying new books because I don't want to read sad stuff -- even when I do want to feel sad, I want to feel sad about prototypical matters. The boy and girl falling out, perhaps. The loss of a family member. Life goes on. I don't want to feel sad about things that are too close to the heart; things which I can't place my finger on. I don't want to go through these raw emotions.

I will finish this book, soon.

BC to ThaiCentral

2012-02-23T09:03:00.000+08:00

HI HERE'S ANOTHER SHORT UPDATE! :D Kinda rushing for time 'cos I gotta be in school later but I'm trying to clear photos which I've already edited! Plus.. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE BC'S PHOTOS IN A V LONG TIME!! :D We finally went out last December, due to massive efforts by a certain PitchPerfect P Ang to gather the herd (HAHAHA why am I referring to us as sheep). However, Wanchun MY DEAREST CUTIEPIE couldn't make it ): So here's a photo of her and myself from last May:

We missed you dearie! And I haven't seen you in school this semester AT ALL ): How is that possible?!?! FASS isn't that huge, right?!?! ):

So in any case, the rest of us headed down to Thai Central, on Yizhen's recommendation, because Flea and I were both broke and had to go for economic choices.

It's at the 8th floor of The Orchard Central!

The stuff looked quite appealing on the menu, but the.. atmosphere was kinda strange. *-* The servers weren't smiling or welcoming at all, plus the place was still pretty empty at close to 7pm? So they were lurking around waiting for us to place our orders and we took a pretty long while. D:

Yizhen and I decided to share a plate of Phad Thai in the end! :D

Hair was still the cui-double bleached hair. Photo taken by Flea (:

Once she has my camera, she'll snap at least 6 shots of me "So you can choose which one is nicer what!" -_-"

"EY stop it.."

"STOP TAKING PHOTOS OF ME!!"

HAHAHAHAAH epic face.

The phad thai wasn't too nice. It was quite chilly and rubbery ._. The taste was passable though! I don't have high standards for my food but this isn't anything to rave about. Won't be going back there hahahahaah

Flea had a tom yum soup!

And Perry, a pineapple rice

HAHAHAHAHA Perry! I've no clue why he's posing so funnily.

Our dinner conversation was quite epic. We don't bitch so much already -- TOO OLD FOR THIS KINDA SHIT HAHAH. But we caught up with each other's lives; considering we don't spend so much time with each other anymore, these lil' small meetups are awesome. (: Thank you Perry for organising this!! He really puts in a lot of effort. He'd ring us all to find out when we're free, and Yizhen, Flea, Wanchun and I have such differing schedules it's really difficult to organise meetups hahahaha.

Oh, and my blog was brought up during dinner convo. I think Yizhen was saying it's nice that I blog with photos, and that I write so much down or something? Like she said it'd be nice to read these memories when I'm old. Somehow we got to the topic of dying -- how morbid right LOL -- and they were saying that people always talk about having their lives flashed past them right before dying, and they said for me, the moment would be so long because all my blog pages would flash past in my mind. "THEN SHE'D TAKE UP TO ONE YEAR TO EVEN DIE HAHAHAHAHA" LOLOL only from the BC, nonsense.

After that, we headed to Spinelli's to chill! Jiajun came along :D

New bagggggg

Forgot which app I'd used

From Flea's phone!

Okay it's just an influx of photos of us three hahahahahahah

Yizhen is pointing at Flea's "bicep" PLEASE HAAHHAAH WHERE GOT BICEP LA

Oh I think it's Leme!

And this is our awkward smile D:

Flea's nails!

We got our toes done together a few days back

Perry told us one thing he'd learnt from his "men" -- it's an army term, not literally homosapiens, I think it's a rank or whatever hur -- if you ever get caught in a one to six people fight, you should back up against the wall to protect your back, because you'd definitely get the shit beaten out of you LOL. It'd be safe to carry a parang too.

With the nex! Taken by JJ

And it was still christmas time, soooooooooooooo:

(: (: Really brings back memories of caroling with this bunch of incredible people.

Was tallest 'cos of heels

Then we came up with a stupid idea to carol as a lesbian quartet and a gay couple to put up the story on Stomp so we'd get 50$ from it. Lololoool

MEET UP SOON AGAIN KAY LOVELY PEEPS <:

CHINESE NEW YEAR 2012

2012-02-22T01:01:00.004+08:00

I PROMISED AN UPDATE AND HERE I AM :D

It's almost been a month since the lunar new year -- it was on the 23rd of January -- so I trust everyone has finished leftover remnants of bakkwa, CNY goodies, and steamboat ingredients? :D Well, NOT ME! We just finished ours today. *twitch I just ate EIGHT CP wantons. #fatdieme And it's only because the Momsy got the fridge changed today, so we had no choice but to finish the frozen bits because they had already thawed. BUT I ALREADY MISS BAKKWA, HAHAAHAH someone go queue at the Lim Chee Guan bakkwa for me. My favorite. :3

My family doesn't do the reunion dinner thing on CNY eve because my granny usually prays on the morning of CNY eve and hence we are left with offerings such as these:

Roasted duck, chicken, pork belly, curry chicken and hei zou!! :D So after sucha huge lunch we don't bother with dinner, heh.

Following tradition, my mom slips my angbao packet underneath my pillow, so on the morning of CNY I'm always always always very excited rummaging in the covers for my angbao D: I'm 20 years old, I know I shouldn't be behaving like this but OH WELL. Bounced downstairs to give the 'rents a peck on the cheek each, and had the required breakfast of kueh lapis. I know it's very fattening but my mom says it's good luck.

Last year, I didn't have enough time to prepare my hair and makeup even though I started one& a half hours earlier than everyone else. So this year, I started two hours earlier!! #kiasufreak Still ended up dillydallying a lil' bit towards the end fretting about choice of bag and accessories.

PRESENTING TO YOU, DA NG FAMILY minus me

Yes my younger brother is damn fit already!! And it's the first time in years the momsy is donning a dress (: (: (: Love my family.

And of course.. there's me!

I am wearing a jumpsuit from ASOS. YES, IT IS HOT PINK. It's the first time I've ever owned a jumpsuit/playsuit/romper or anything from that sort of wear so I decided to just get one that's mega outstanding. However, it is a size too big. #PHAIL that's why it's so loose around the crotch area. I ASSURE YOU MY CROTCH DOES NOT HANG THAT LOW HAHAHAAHAHAH I'm making myself sound as if I possess a penis.

ETA: OH YES I NO HAVE TANLINE OKAY. The deceiving tanline is merely light shining in from the slit of the doorway

And the photos're slightly unfocused because I placed my camera quite a distance away and had to crop them. I should probably get my tripod set up somewhere, rarrrrrrr

En route to paternal granny's house (:

nex 5 is so much clearer, meep

And this edit made me have red highlights! How?!

Cousins w brothers!

The girls (:

This CNY, I wasn't quite as enthusiastic as last year. I have a niggling feeling in my tummy it's because of recent unhappy events surrounding people around me, and myself, but I also think it's because in part, our age doesn't make us that excited about receiving angbaos anymore, and because it's just a declining trend to celebrate CNY. My elder brother thinks that when we're middle-aged, people won't be celebrating CNY anymore. DO YOU THINK SO O: I would hate to have no CNY. No legit reason to visit distant relatives randomly and to pig out on steamboat.

Granny and Xueting!

Di & me; do we look alike! :DD

OH YES don't hate on the eye makeup, I am aware that my eyeliner is fucking thick HAHAHAAAHAHAHAH. It was because I was trying to make each side equal to the other; thickened one side a lil', but a little slowly became a lot, and hence my ending up looking as if I got a fuggin' NIKE TICK ON MA' EYE #FML

I also didn't like the falsies that I used that day! It was the first time I'd tried them, and sadly they resemble worms. D: I've tried a couple to date, maybe I'll blog about the different ones I use someday (:

Papa Ng and me

Xueting and her mama, who is my gu gu

The Peh family!

Annoying Weixiang asked me "What are you wearing ah. Look like clown suit sia" THANKS AH hahahahaahahaha my worst nightmare

Papa Ng posing LOLOLOL

Put my remote control to good use, as always

Some of the ladies

Don't know why but I couldn't smile properly that day. I THINK IT'S BECAUSE I WAS STEADILY GETTING ILL. ): I had to take flu medicine at two different locations because I was starting to shiver and have a bad headache. I suspect it's because I went out the previous night in just a tank and shorts; the wind was pretty chilly then.

Decided to round up the whole crew, but one family wasn't here because they'd already moved on to another location

WAHLAO V DIFFICULT TO WORK IT IN THIS JUMPSUIT LA. No waist de lolololol zomg

And here's a treat for y'all!

CAN YOU SPOT ME?!!?!?

I am
.
.
.
.
.

the lil' impertinent girl at the bottom left corner. With centre parting no less. And the rest of my cousins! :D The younger 'uns aren't there of course. Heh. Looking at this photo I feel rather sad because my ah gong and greatgrandmothers aren't here anymore. Last time, during CNY eve, my brothers and I used to play blackjack/ban luck/er shi yi dian and daidee and my ah gong would coach me and laugh at me whilst watching my hand because I totally suck at all these kind of gambling stuff. "KIN NEE" he used to call me. My extended family calls me PAMMY hahahaha. When I was chubby my mom called me AH BUI (this means fatty in.. Hokkien?) and I responded to it, okay!?!?! Now, even if she says ah bui I'll react hahaahahahahaha

MOVING ON TO THE NEXT LOCATION:

Grand-aunt's place

Pops & bro again

Aunt and cousin! My cousin is mad pretty but she just refuses to talk to me. V DIFFICULT TO PLAY WITH LEH

Every year, the basketball court changes

NEXT LOCATION: Maternal grams' place! :D

Their di pan.

The hell I used to go through being the only girl with them. And with a far superior maturity level, too. ZOMG family trips were hell

GRANNY :DDDDDDDD ai ni ai ni ai ni

Yiyi mummy, yizhang, and Xuanming!

Momsy & Pops!

Rollin' w the crew

Yeap both my brothers have enlarged ear piercings. Doesn't make them any less annoying, I assure you

HEH left from 2011 and right from 2012!! :D When I took this photo I had a deja vu moment and I told Xuanming it looked super familiar.

While I was there, I DIDN'T STOP EATING. Ate all the peanut cookies, butter cookies, cuttlefish, bakkwa, white flaky biscuits, ang ku kueh, mifen, chicken, almond cookies blah blah blah. Should've taken a photo of all the goodies but I was too busy stuffing my face. I also did a fair share of socialising, don't worry! Nowadays, when relatives from extended families see me, they do a double take and go "WAH ZHANG DA LIAO (WAH ALL GROWN UP AH)!" :x

OH DAMN didn't take any photo with Serene! A family friend; my granny used to be her nanny.

Started feeling quite sickly after awhile though, so I retired to my granny's room to stone. One of the relatives brought her 5 month old TWINS -- they were so cute!!!! They're of mixed parentage (I didn't take photos 'cos I was highly afraid my camera would cause damage to their eyes); Chinese mommy and Caucasian daddy. I was immediately taken with the elder sister, who was BIGGER -- physically -- and you could just feel her yearning for life? Maybe I'm bullshitting but that's the case with twins right; the older one takes charge more often? The younger brother was more shy and much smaller in size, heh.

While leaving, asked my brother to take a photo of me and got photobombed by XM:

But never mind la, was starting to look damn cui by then. OMG BUT I WAS QUITE SKINNY THEN ): Could see the collarbones and shoulder bones quite clearly. Now I've gained so much weight, damn.

Like this shot though (:

the two I take care of a hell lot

ZHANG DA ALREADY LA

Di. Is. V. Fit. Now.

He was like "Eh LEMME BE ALL ARTISTIC" -_-

First buy from ASOS and I've to say, I love their swift delivery services heh :D And this is a ASOS jumpsuit! The quality and workmanship are quite good. Mustard yellow clutch from Modparade!

Managed to get a quick nap after reaching home before heading out again for dinzx.

And it's.... *drumroll* STEAMBOAT TIME WAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH. I am a major fan of steamboat. Steamboat monster, y'can call me. And I particularly love having steamboat during CNY, because..

We have an awesome spread

And this is my favorite!! CP wanton. But after having eaten 8 of 'em -- my younger brother didn't want his -- today I feel slightly sick looking at them

Shabu shabu pork. Fucking nice and fatty

Abalone

And all these fake stuff are actually my favorites. I love all those factory made cheese tofu and whatever not lolol

After dinner, it's back to being a spectator:

I have positively shit luck when it comes to gambling so for the past few years, all I've done is watch and see the lil' ones do funny stuff like pray with angbaos or line up the four Aces in front of their cards for good luck, lolololol

Reached home and though I was FEELING SUPER SICKLY, SNEEZING AND SNEEZING AND SNEEZING LIKE MAD and breaking out in cold perspiration, I took more photos

I had a change of clothes. Took a hell lot more but I am being selective LOLOL. Really like these edits though:

It's my desktop photo now!! :D

And yes, my desktop is very neat. I have OCD when it comes to files lololol

Currently looking for people who will be patient and teach me about using my camera manually -- any kind souls out there? *hopeful

OKAY I'M DONE. Hope you guys enjoyed my update! :D Can't wait for CNY to come again next year. :DDD

WISH SOMEONE'D CALL

2012-02-21T02:01:00.000+08:00

ONE OUT OF TWO MIDTERMS DOWN, yay. I am so going to miss Prof Wee when he goes off to Stockholm for a conference. HE IS SO WITTY (and it stems from.. crazed levels of intelligence) I AM LEFT GIGGLING AT THE END OF EACH SEMINAR. :D His backup career can be a standup comedian heh he'd earn big money.

AM REPLYING TAGS:

min:
i choose beckham over levine.EVERYTIME.

Really? You can be fans with my mom hahaahha. But, Levine can SING. And that, my friend, trumps anything.

th:
LOL the badreview ice cream person sounds like me but I was ranting about Scoopz not daily scoop LOL

HAHA I've never heard of Scoopz before (proves how bad they are??! O: ). I found the culprit already lolol

ck:
do u actually offer delivery service for that? (refering to status update) :3

REPLIED HAHAHAHAHA every day free hugs la lololol

v.:
:DDDDD

Love ya!

Huda:
LOL DUMBARSE.

IKR this kinda stuff always happens to me! FML.

joanne:
bahahaha. ello i date you out soon!

YOU ALWAYS SAY ONLY, ):

LENE:
(hearts)! Randomz, Like your hair now!

Thanks babe, got it highlighted since the last time y'saw me! (: MISS YOU M'DEAR LET'S MEET UP SOON. *hugs

BIG LOVE FOR TAGGING, muackzx muackzx

I've just edited more than a hundred photos but I'm too tired to produce anything coherent. So have a lame update about what I wore one day last week:

Minimal makeup to mark the start of the week of minimal makeup and dressing down for school. IT'S MID SEMESTER LEH TIME TO CONCENTRATE ON STUDYING RIGHT

The braids was my feeble attempt to be closer to M83 at Laneway festival

I'VE NOTHING TO DO 'CEPT FOR STUDYING THIS RECESS WEEK. I REFUSE TO MAKE PLANS SO AS TO ENSURE I'LL STUDY. .... okay I can't even convince myself. I highly suspect if someone brings me near a shoe shop I'd crumble and buy a pair.

For now I'd have to get satisfaction through music. Have an awesome track by Justice:

And by van Buuren:

Though I really suggest listening to this without watching the video. I conjured up a much trance-like and psychedelic state while listening to it in a mix rather than.. watching this lady prance around.

OKAY I PROMISE TO UPDATE WITH PROPER PHOTOS TMRW. Please visit again tmrw. So tired but I wish someone'd call me and say goodnight to me!! Lonely thoughts at two am in the morning ~ Today, I have been nothing but faggoty and ghey. BYE.

PS I picked up a roll of paper for a granny at the station because she looked like she couldn't bend down, but I hesitated, because the roll looked like rubbish, and I wasn't sure whether she meant to litter. *-* DO NORMAL PEOPLE THINK LIKE THIS?!?! DO NORMAL PEOPLE SUSPECT KINDLY OLD LADIES OF LITTERING!?!?! Well she smiled gratefully at me in the end so I suppose she didn't mean to. But my thought process scares me

TOP GEAR S18, WHOOP

2012-02-20T13:02:00.002+08:00

Jeremy: Now, the Mercedes SLS. Hammond and James may say it's too big. Too stupid.

Hammond: Well it is!

Jeremy: It's not. In fact, I only find one problem with it. *lifts the door* It's the door.

Hammond: That's TWO problems.

Jeremy: Thank you, Hammond. *rolls eyes

Hammond: Well it has two doors?!

... HAHAHAHAHHA. I think I watch Top Gear in part for their Brit humor and jarring at each other and too, for the sleek & sexy cars. JEREMY AND RICHARD ALWAYS BULLY JAMES MAY ):

Mister Zombie Nation

2012-02-20T01:23:00.001+08:00

So distracted I feel like blogging with photos but am too lazy to edit and resize any for now. Also, really tired but nightmare from just now is sort of keeping me awake. I dreamt that I had to enter a lift but it was unlit and looming from a few steps away so I decided to walk down a darkened corridor; it was unlit but lights were flickering. I was terrified, I had a sense that someone was watching me from somewhere. Suddenly, I was grabbed by a moaning man. Who was rotten and decayed, not unlike that of a zombie from Resident Evil. He wanted to bite me but somehow managed to push his finger into my mouth instead?! I was so utterly shocked I woke up with unease tension. .. To find myself alone at home with all lights turned off. Holy crap I'm not usually scared of the dark but I was freaked out just now.

Whenever I have sufficient sleep but still force myself to nap, I dream strange things. Right before that I was in a restaurant where I was studying with an unknown person; the Italian family on the next table wouldn't stop staring; there were checkered tablecloths and vases of flowers everywhere; my extended family appeared out of nowhere to have dinner and chided me for not joining them.

How strange are you, brain!? D:

Yihan asked me if I was under the influence of drugs and I told him "Psychedelics."

CMI

2012-02-19T16:01:00.002+08:00

(: so happy listening to my music I feel so blissful now.

Woke up with my stomach still aching. It's not the tequila!! Was it because I incorporated lunges into my regime on Friday? Or that when I'm in my 5inch pumps, I clench my stomach muscles all the time? Or that I was dancing too much? Omg my whole body is aching. Just a two week break and I'm so tired already!? Old already.

I promise to update with substance soon!! By substance I just mean photos don't expect too much HAHAHHAHA

First midterm on Monday, wish me luck! <:

Aches

2012-02-19T00:19:00.001+08:00

P: Oh my stomach..
S: Preggers ah
P: Tequila babies

Not too sure my stomach is queasy because of the amount of tequila I had yesterday or because I did crunches AND mopped the floor vigorously. Maybe it's both.

Finally reached the state where I don't care about anything. Am taking life less seriously and letting things be (:

2012-02-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

To those who think I'm totally lost to the musical cause because I keep listening to electronic dance music, seemingly at every minute of the day -- while traveling, while doing my work, while sleeping -- and they feel that edm lacks soul, I have these words to say to you:

EMBRACE DIVERSITY. Colors in the rainbow are but part of the spectrum.

If you're still worried, have an embarrassing fact: I sing either every Thursday or Friday afternoon in the comforts of my empty house, or with my younger brother. Like today, I spent the last four hours belting out random songs. We are privy to Maroon 5, Adele, The Corrs, The All American Rejects, Avril Lavigne, Michelle Branch, Fall Out Boy, Nsync, Blink 182, Beyonce, and Justin Timberlake.

I do dislike my singing voice though; it is horrible and lame. Hahaahahhahahah. Wish I had a brilliant voice.

I keep thinking about this particular lipstick shade in Topshop. Whilst I was in Watson's today, getting sunscreen, I almost caved and bought a plum lippie. I stopped myself, but really, one and a half months is slowly making me go insane. I am a slave of consumerism.

ON A CHIRPIER NOTE, YAY MY RECESS WEEK HAS ARRIVED! :D Please book me if you haven't seen/caught up with me for a month. I MISS YOUR FACE ): And this goes out to so many people, you should know who y'all are.

IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING

2012-02-16T03:02:00.001+08:00

FINALLY FINISHED MY SOCI ASSIGNMENT. After taking 4 hours. Now, I'm drinking Asahi. #likkaboss Was super distracted and keeping up with the chat of ma' topless five on Facebook when something really stupid happened -- and when I say this, I mean I SAID SOMETHING STUPID HAHAHAHA -- and made me so tickled; I'm in sucha good mood now.

Please read our conversation

CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED COLD STONE CREAMERY COLD ROCK HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH SERIOUSLY, WHY DO THESE SORT OF EMBARRASSING STUFF ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!?!?!? I blame the beer. *-* Okay no, it doesn't have any effect at all. HONESTLY I'M AWKWARD IN WAYS UNIMAGINABLE. Pictures are deceiving. I am Queen of making people laugh with my clumsiness.

I had a Caramel Frapp ~~today~~ yesterday. All is good. Been carrying my laptop around for the past few days. Arms feel sore. What is the point of this update hahahahah

Shall head off to sleep nao. HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GOOD DAY TMRW! :D

Acoustic version of Arty's The Wall, ft. Tania Zygar

The trance version is so good, I've been listening to it every day, only checked out the lyrics now, can't really hear them clearly through the music; they're sad, yay.

I can’t take it any longer,
I cant keep myself together,
I don’t need you to be stronger,
I can’t hold on forever.
I can’t hold on forever.

Need to get a better sleeping pattern soon, this overwhelming urge to lash out at people is uncontrollable without sleep. I kid. Have been on medication from the loonybin to reduce aggression

ETA

LOVE MS NEO THE MOST, THANKS SO MUCH FOR EDITING MY SOCI ASSIGNMENT AND HELPING ME HAND IT UP! I owe you ice cream :D BUY YOU COLD ~~ROCK~~ STONE HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH LOVELOVE

2012-02-15T21:58:00.004+08:00

I musn't be so pessimistic I musn't be so pessimistic I must not. I must be optimistic and think of better things. So upset regarding so many things. Been so vulgar these few days just to keep up a nonchalant front. .. Failing, failing, failing. Thanks for all the reminders about bad things. I may joke about them but they're still too close to the heart. . Just unhappy these few days and there's nothing to be done.

2012-02-15T12:13:00.001+08:00

While walking to the engineering block, I glare at every one; the voice in my head keeps alternating from "I hate school" to "I want to pee". I am extremely agitated today. I want to slap someone.

2012-02-15T04:51:00.004+08:00

Just realised..

The guys whom I show affection to, are:

1. Guys whom I've friendzoned
2. Guys whom are gay/I perceive to be gay

So if I'm nice to you, there's a high chance you belong to the above.

And of course, very rarely come the guys whom with I've misconstrued ideas of being attracted to. But the key word is misconstrued.

V & NYH :D

2012-02-14T00:59:00.002+08:00

!! :D

Hi I have photos with Veronica Tan Jia Yi which I WANNA SHARE WITH Y'ALL :D

I really really really miss this dear girl of mine whom I first met in junior college, after returning from my trip to Italy and I can still remember the first thought in my head when I saw her "Omg who's this scary looking girl with the scary looking hair!" Because she had rebonded fringe but -- almost -- shaved sides. But I recall being SO intrigued because she had the most incredibly cheeky, mischievous and delighted expression on her face when she turned around from her seat at the front of the class. She first pegged me for a bimbo in any case, because I was friendly and hooked her arm to go running on the track during PE lesson LOLOLOLOL. Somehow the two of us were chosen to become class leaders along with Yiting and we've been a strange pair since. V thinks I'm worth her love:

That's my 18th birthday present from her :D

She cites a lot of characteristics and personality traits which are highly positive and extremely flattering and which I don't agree with LOLOL so they shall not be mentioned.

The last I met her was sometime in August last year when I went over to her house to attempt to get rid of my uneven tanlines. We met up again this January -- that's MEGA LONG OKAY ): -- because I went to Hana Academy to attend a talk by the founders. Was more inspired to look towards the future and not dwell so much on the past. (:

After the talk, we took photos!

Veronica and me! :D Taken by Zen WHO IS V'S BOYFRIEND WAHAHAHAHA #likefinally

My hair had just been bleached then, so the blondeness was kinda raw.

I LIKE THIS EFFECT A LOT

From V's phone

"EH I WANNA SHOW MY NECKLACE LEH" It was a new buy. I spent sixty plus bucks on accessories in that lil' shop in Far East Plaza though all I wanted was a bracelet. HUDA IS THE WORST SHOPPING PARTNER (when one is trying to save money).

Love V's hair color! Purplish-red. She did it herself, rather than spending loads like how I did ahem ahem

SPAMMING PHOTOS BECAUSE I HADN'T TAKEN ANY PHOTOS WITH HER FOR SO LONG.

Then I got a lift from V's momma to Zouk! V's cousin was gently nagging me to be careful, to go back early, and not to drink too much in the car hahahahaha. *sheepish

Hui Dan and me! (: Pretty babe just turned 21! Happy belated! :D

Met her, her boyfriend, and Yihan and the anderson sec guys. It's scary to be a guy and drink with Minghan and Darren. THEY ARE SO HARDCORE hahahah I feel quite sorry for the rest of the guys. Luckily I hadn't had dinner so I had a reason to not drink too much. Oh, and I never take photos with 'em because most of them turn red damn easily hahahahahaha.

We were on Ivan's guestlist so we didn't have to queue, yayyyyy (:

Done on the laptop

Using a photography app!

:x

THAT NIGHT WAS AWESOME I was on the podium next to the dj in Phuture for most of the night. (: All I wanna do is dance, dance, dance. Super8 & Tab were the guest djs in Zouk and for the time I spent there, it was awesome too. #zoukallegiance

D: I feel so upset now because Nee Yihan is going on an army trip to Thailand tonight!! ): No one to talk about dance music to for weeks, zomggggggggggggggggg. ): BUT it's okay. He has told me many tracks to listen to lololol.

It's Valentine's Day! BIG LOVE TO ALL MA' FRIENDS AND WHOEVER'S READING THIS! :D For all my supposed cynicism and exclamations of disliking Vday, I still really want to show all my love for the people around me, aite? So I posted on Facebook: "FREE HUGS FOR EVERYONE I SEE IN SCHOOL TMRW. Feel free to run and knock me down from the back at lightning speed :x"

REALLY, HUGS FOR EVERYONE TMRW :D Lovelove!

2012-02-13T02:20:00.003+08:00

List:

#01. Just ate four noir ferrero rochers.

Okay that is all. GOODNIGHT <:

Topshop MaryJanes & HAIR CURLS!

2012-02-12T03:13:00.001+08:00

Na, promised y'all a close up shot of my Topshop suede Mary Janes

LOVE MY BABIES

:D

The other day I was playing with my hair and tong-ed it.

This was when my hair was still brown. It has now become blonde again. My blog hasn't been updated with recent info! HAHAHAHAHA I didn't even give people around me time to get used to me with brown hair.

I painstakingly sectioned my hair into four parts and slowly curled them. Wasn't rushing for time so it was quite fun

If anyone wants me to help them curl their hair, please feel free to ask. I think it's fun. And I don't have an aversion to touching people's hair (provided you've washed it luh lolol)

Then took a few retarded photos with my specs lolol

This is what I wear when I run about my neighborhood doing errands. On that particular day, to make my mom less angry with me for returning home too late from clubbing, I went to dabao dessert for her and my aunties. #QUEENOFSUCKINGUP :3

Nowadays, I really take good care of my hair. Of course, after the ash brown dye, I got my hair bleached for blonde highlights again, which made it dry back again.......... So I do a hair mask every day. And apply leave-in moisturizer every day. Because I got scolded by Zoe, I now apply product to reduce damage by heat before I straighten or curl my hair. IT'S A LONG PROCESS BUT I WILL GET AMAZING HAIR SOMEHOW!!!

And here are more music raves:

I love Alex Metric's tracks so much.

This remix is Yihan's personal fave.

WHAT AM I TO DO WHEN YIHAN LEAVES FOR THAILAND!!!?!! NO ONE TO RAVE ABOUT EDM WITH ): ): ): ): ):

He's been trying to influence me to listen to more trance.. and I must say he is succeeding.

Ost & Meyer - Scarlet Heaven (Dan Stone Remix)

But personally, this is more of my thing:

Delerium Ft. Sarah McLachlan - Silence (Tiësto's In Search of Sunrise Remix)

PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TO SPARE, listen to the whole thing. It's really awesome. Or you can just skip to 4:59 hahahhahahahaha it's the second half which is epic

Kay this is such a pointless update. I spend half an hour bawling my eyes out and scribbling sad lines in my notebook, then I spend an hour crying over the phone to Huda, who then cries along with me, and we end up being okay by the end of the conversation.

Life is so silly sometimes.

PS If you've noticed, David Beckham is half naked on the right column of my blog. *-* I am slightly disturbed by this sight AHAHAHAHAHAHA. He's no Adam Levine but he'll do. LOLOL

2012-02-11T21:55:00.001+08:00

Everytime I watch The Divine Secrets of The Ya Ya Sisterhood I feel this incredible sense of warmth blossoming in my chest, mingled with pain when the sad parts run.

Sin Ming Roti Prata . Yoshimaru Ramen Bar. RED LIPZX

2012-02-11T00:53:00.004+08:00

MY NEW EARPHONES ARE TEH SEXXXXXX

I'm super sleepy now but my dad bought back a pack of hokkien mee and forced me to eat it so I'm too full to sleep. Am updating with photos instead! D: These few days I've been trying to get myself to feel more enthusiastic about school and hence have been trying to achieve that in ways I know best: dressing up and dressing up my face as well.

This was what I wore to school some day last week. On my lips are NYX Merlot lipstick & Etude House lipliner!

In a way I was trying to be an arse, because the bicycles on the shirt are so juvenile and kiddish and the blazer was formal.. or at least formal-ish. I was trying to make an ironic statement. Well Ms Neo said she liked my blazer hahahaha.

Was in a photobooth-ing mood.

Done on the iPhone!

This semester, I've been wearing shades to school because all my lessons start from late morning to early afternoon, during which the sunlight is INSANE. My eyes're teeny enough; I shouldn't be squinting so much. But this week I've been wearing false eyelashes so I've abandoned shades

I realise how crazy I look with 'em heeheehee. #wombat

OKAY NARCISSISTIC PHOTOS HAVE COME TO AN END. Now to the main point of the entry: FOOD!

I got brought out by Melcher to eat roti prata the other day. :DDDDD I was really late in meeting him *sheepish* When I met him he was asking "Overslept?" and I was like "No.............. Just. Took. A. Long. Time. Anddidn'trealiseit. I'M SO SORRY" I keep fluctuating being on time and being late BUT I'M REALLY TRYING. FRIENDS PLEASE PUT UP WITH ME!!!!

When we were at lunch, I realised I hadn't eaten roti prata in.. close to a year?!?! *-* Unfathomable thought, it being so commonly found, but I seldom actively pursue eating roti prata. It's like one of those things I stay away from because it's heaty and oily hahahahaha.

BUT I may have found a place which might change my eating habits, because ever since eating this roti prata I find myself fantasizing about its fluffiness. *-*

THE PLACE is called Sin Ming Roti Prata! And it's found at a lil' coffeeshop tucked away in Marymount. Here's a link to the place: insing.com! And this is from Hungrygowhere.

I got a kosong -- that's plain, non-flavored, to y'all non Singaporeans! -- and an egg one! I am a humongous fan of egg, but this time I switch camps. THE PLAIN ONE IS SO FLUFFY AND LIGHTTTTTTTTT. FLUFFY!! When I bit into it I was so happy. :D

GO AND TRY IT!! Seriously. I hope Melcher isn't annoyed with me for sharing it with y'all (I didn't ask for his permission heh). :x When we were walking back to the MRT station, I was bragging to him my expert skills in navigations and excellent memory for remembering places... and promptly made a wrong turn. Like I turned right and he was like "Umm it's this way *points left*" WHY MUST THIS KIND OF THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME! ): Haha had no choice but to tell him about the time I got Yokecheng and the juniors in my choir group lost in Czech Republic. That was the ultimate phail, getting lost in a foreign land. BUT that's pretty much the only time my skills failed me ahem.

Went back to school and had lessons. Cinematic discourse seminar was a horror, I gave up halfway and started whatsapping people to mope. After lesson, I took A2 from Arts to get to Kent Ridge and realised I had forgotten to print stuff so I dropped off at Central Library. After that I took A2 again, but I was in such a horrid mood due to not understanding stuff during cinematic that I furiously looked for ice cream ka-kis. AND FOUND SALVATION IN THE FORM OF A YU JIANRONG LOLOLOL. Who was back in Central Library studying so I alighted and took A1 from Kent Ridge Station back to school. ... -_-"

This is where I need the white guy with flailing arms ~_~

We went to Holland V for dinner, was intending to head for Crystal Jade but ended up at Yoshimaru Ramen!

I ordered a Mu-something something Hakata ramen (that y'see in the above photo) with prawn roe on the side! It's the second item on the menu. Jianrong got the Traditional Hakata Ramen!

Explanation on their pork bone broth which is boiled for long hours on high heat

Students get discounts!

Artistic shot taken by Jianrong with my camera. He has always been very intrigued with my camera (a Sony nex 5), because he uses a Nikon.. something, a dslr. He takes FABULOUS PHOTOS.

Attempt at an artistic shot by me. It's sesame seeds! You are supposed to crunch 'em yourself in order to realise the oils in them for the fragrance to permeate the air. (:

Second attempt at artistic shot by me. They provide chili oils and shallots and whatever not!

And here comes the ramen!

The prawn roe

I don't claim to be an expert on ramen but I've eaten Santouka's, Ippudo's, Marutama's, Tampopo's, Gantetsu's, Noodle House Ken's, Baikohken's, Watami's and umm.. Ajisen's. Heh but yeah, so have tried a few to be experienced enough to know the differences ^-^

And I know enough to tell you..... THIS IS WORTH IT! For eleven bucks (Jianrong's), the ramen broth is really very yummy and rich in flavor, yet not overwhelming. The noodles're alright, not really chewy enough for my taste. But the egg is fantastic. The texture is soooo awesome it's runny enough to be jiggly. :D But I still prefer Santouka's eggs because they're more aromatic and tastier.

Here's LadyIronChef's review, you may want to trust his opinion more than mine haahahahhah :D

Jianrong! :D

Of course, that was just dinner, we didn't forget about our true intentions of visiting Holland V: ICE FREAKIN' CREAM!! :D

He brought me to The Daily Scoop and I was SO hesitant because I had a really bad impression of it. Someone had told me that it's overrated and the ice cream was really tasteless and I recall he/she was extremely assertive in his/her belief so I took it as it was and had since been afraid of eating there.

LUCKILY JIANRONG BROUGHT ME THERE BECAUSE THE ICE CREAM IS AWESOME

*stars of happiness burst outta me eyes

I was mega happy when I tried Lychee Martini and Rum&Raisin. The ice cream isn't tasteless and it isn't flat! It's really nice. Also tried Salted Mister Brown. Coconut didn't agree with me.

Went with Rum&Raisin and Salted Mister Brown! EY THE GIRLS THERE'RE QUITE PRETTY TOO. Guys, go and check 'em out.

Na, have a photo of my delirious state of happiness

And yeah, this is how I eat when I'm down. #fuckyeahfood

Shall reply tags before sleeping.

Huda:
(hearts) love you forever.

(':

joanne:
i still love my gan ma, brunette or not. lol

Love y'too, silly lady. *bighug

jen:
pammy! how much did you do your hair for? i need new hair too

Tweet-ed you my reply a longgggg time ago right babe!

sinyee:
i wanna see :DD EH steamboat plus seoul garden howwwwww

YEE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR SO LONG CAN YOU PLEASE APPEAR IN FRONT OF ME NOW ):

v.:
gambatteh

Love you dearie

Huda:
(hearts) you awesome. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Love you too, you're awesome too, if anyone makes you feel otherwise, I will slap them with a slimy fish. A ROTTING SLIMY FISH

alice:
Heheh I lurve our wii sessions, I mean, christmas 'parties'. XP

I NEED TO UP MY TENNIS SKILLZX HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

zhi wei:
me gives you a BIG hug!!

ME GIVES YOU BACK A BEEGBEEG HUG!!

Flea:
Wee. I have to see you soon! *hugs!

CLUB SOON? (:

ck:
Well written 7thFeb post! Jiayou!

Hello Chaokiat! Xiexie ni, you jiayou too (: (: I'll link your blog up!! :D

m:
you're a really lucky and loved girl..

Hi m, I think so too! I'm grateful for the people around me. I'm sure you have awesome people around you too (: (:

THANKS FOR TAGGING, LOVES. :D

Okay cmi really too tired can feel my brain mushing away.

I LOVE MARTIN SOLVEIG, I'M SO GLAD I WENT FOR HIM LAST YEAR. This song has passed even Huda's standard; it's a major happy song for me. Really really really really really.

Gonna blast this on my new earphones and drift off in my happy bubble. CIAOCIAO loves!

PS I FOUND OUT WHO WAS THE CULPRIT WHO MADE ME THINK THE DAILY SCOOP ISN'T GOOD!! It's Zhiwei hahahahahahahaahah lolololol. But she did say she prefers creamy and rich flavors so yeah. Different palates!

PPS I just realised in my previous update, ramen and ice cream appear too. You can tell I'm a predictable person. :3

Valentine's Day

2012-02-10T11:29:00.001+08:00

I'm on the way to school now, on my free day, because I want to print readings from the library and not from my house. *-* is the transport fee justifiable?

A few days ago, I was talking to Ms Neo about the incoming horror that is popularly known as Valentine's Day. Now now, I'm not saying this out of spite because I'm unattached; the truth is, even when I was attached, I disliked it. I can honestly say I don't know why. The only times I truly enjoyed Valentine's Day was in secondary school, where our culture was to spam every one around us with sweets, notes, and flowers. Maybe it was the totality of EVERY ONE of us celebrating it together which made me so happy. The running about classes, levels, the receiving of flowers from anonymous senders, the joy of giving others presents. I guess in the same way, I could do it now. But after having been through the experience of being in a relationship, I'm confused as to what I'm supposed to feel about Valentine's Day. It IS a celebration of love and joy, but by having it imposed on me by society to feel the need to celebrate it with a significant other, I feel so inclined to say: "No thanks."

Then again, I was telling Ms Neo of this very foolish wish of mine to be properly asked out for a date by a guy whom isn't my boyfriend. By a proper invitation, to dinner, with flowers, and being sent home. D: THAT'S ALSO A CONSTRUCT, A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT POPULARISED BY WESTERN TEENAGE DRAMA SERIALS.

Oh Pamela, why are you so full of contradictions.

Imma pretend to be a cauliflower this Valentine's Day and perch on the kitchen ledge.

GOOD MOOZAK AND GOOD ICE CREAM

2012-02-08T21:19:00.000+08:00

HERE'RE SOME MUSIC UPDATES! :D

HERE IS MY CURRENT HAPPY SONG! :D

And for those of y'all who're into trance, this track by Gareth Emery has been replaying in my head over and over again for the past few days. The vocals by Christina Novelli have this haunting lilt to them, and her slight abrupt manner makes the song sound so.. pained. Ick just listen to it! GARETH EMERY IS COMING THIS MONTH TOO. HOW!?! HOW?!?!?!

Today, I'm also going to be updating about music that's not house or track, and it's something closer to home; it's music by the Rahman brothers!! :DDDDD Okay they're Huda's brothers, and they are--

MAD. TALENTED.

I'm not kidding. They had their first live performance about seven months back, in June 2011, and it was held at Bugis Iluma! Of course, as a ~~hardcore crazed fangirl~~ fan, I went down to support them! (:

Proud sister and me! :D

Just randomly, iluma as a mall sucks. THERE'S TOO MUCH SPACE AROUND. I only like to go up to the arcade heh.

There they are on stage with the emcee! I think Hakim's in lower sec and Harith's upper sec? Not too sure but they're really brave for taking the stage themselves. As a choir member we had fifty odd others on stage with us so it isn't that nerve wrecking, but the two of 'em took in their stride! Harith wants to be a busker when he's grown up lololol

I first became a fan when I heard this:

Cover of Cun Saja by Sleeq

It's a malay song and I don't understand it, but I loveeeeee how Hakim harmonizes with Harith in it (Hakim is on the right and Harith on the left)! I AM SUPER ENVIOUS OF HAKIM'S PROWESS AT HARMONIZING!! HE IS DAMN AWESOME. Oh plus the song is super upbeat and happy; Huda and Kaklong (Huda's elder sister) also join in to help RAP. Heeheehee. Oh and Huda's elder brother videos and edits all their videos. It's a whole family affair hahahahaha.

Sidenote for videography geeks: This was one of the older videos and in the newer ones, you can really hear how much improvement there is in sound quality! And visually, I think. It's because Huda's brother zhng-ed his equipment lolol

And yes! He did take a video of the performance at Bugis :D

Supportive sister doing her best at the side to make Hakim laugh and look less serious hahahaahahah

Kaklong & her husband! :D

Here's the video! They did a mashup of a few songs. Both of 'em can play the guitar reaaaaaally well. Or at the very least, they are able to play AND sing at the same time, which was something I could never do because my coordination sucks hahahahaahhaah

GO WATCH IT! Here's the link to their Youtube page and one to their Facebook page!

Anyway as a fan I had to have taken photos with them right :x :x :x

Above by my nex 5

Above two by one of Huda's brother's friend!

Went off after saying bye to Da's parents, and headed to Orchard to wait for Boss for dinner. I was early so I bought a Harper's Bazaar at Kinokuniya and chilled at Starbucks. At that point, they still had the best non-caffeinated drink ever:

Strawberry & cream frappuccino. #foreverlongingforthis

Then Boss appeared and presented to me a copy of British Vogue May 2011. D: I was STUNNED. Because I had gone to many places to try to get it at that time, and it was sold out because it had a spread on the royal wedding and everyone was sooooo hyped up over it. For myself, all I really wanted was the cover of Freja *-* I kept finding copies of Lara Stone and Natalie Vodianova on the covers but I didn't want those

SO WHEN BOSS HAD IT I WAS LIKE.. HOW?!!? WHERE?!?!

Turns out he went to the publishing house directly and got it. *tears WHY BOSS SO TENG WO!?!? HEH but YAY ANOTHER MAGAZINE WITH FREJA ON THE COVER!! I think I've like four now hahahahaa. Favorite model, ever!

We had ramen from Baikohken for dinner; it's in Takashimaya Basement!

Boss' ramen. Think it was shio ramen

BOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Mine was the spicy miso one

THEN we went to Udders at Novena for ice creammmmmmmmmm :DDDDD

There is always something about colored chalk on blackboards which makes me feel like a lil' kid again. And because I possess HORRIBLE handwriting, I always like to look at these writings on the boards. Like at EwF too hahahahaah

THEY HAVE AN ICE CREAM BUFFET THING! Um the date there states 19th June 2011 but I'm sure it's an recurring event hahahaahaha

Yukang was working there at that time!

It was my first time at Udders, so I very excitedly tried new flavors. Yukang was very patient with me and allowed me to try many flavors heehee. I think their flavors're really intense? So they'd rather you TRY the flavor and make sure you really like it, rather than getting a whole cup without trying and regretting it after. I say this because some of the flavors really didn't agree with me because they were too strong and.. a tad overwhelming. I really loved all the alcoholic ones though, especially lychee martini and rum&raisin. Can't remember the prices but I think it's slightly pricey! They have this classic, premium and connoisseur hierarchy for flavors' prices lolol.

Decided to go with Strawberry and Rum&Raisin in the end! And some other vanilla based one but can't remember the name of that.

"CAN YOU POSE PROPERLY OR NOT"

Evidently, CANNOT.

:D

FREJA I HEART YOUUUUUUUU #tooprettyforwords

Okay my procrastination is mega upzx; seven months is insane. But as Zhiwei says at least it's not a year. LOL. In any case, I hope your week has been going well! :D

I am going to remove my falsies and shower naooooooo. CIAOCIAO

PS I HAVE DECIDED YOU ARE NOT WORTH EVEN MY OCD, FUCKTARD

Lenses

2012-02-08T01:09:00.000+08:00

Back to brown after a scary encounter with it in secondary three which reduced me to a stuttering doe-eyed, docile, meek little girl.

I KID

But na, what's your view? <:

Belated

2012-02-07T01:27:00.001+08:00

Sorry but all I've been is nice. I skipped this stage because my mom taught me that instead of dwelling on unhappy emotions, I had to learn from my experiences; I learnt not to be so naive and not to be rash.

But I realize now I need this stage. I need this anger. Because you were nothing but a dick. You played me and I believed every single word you said. You fabricated lies and you made me dependent on you for approval for everything. You told me you were going to be here forever. Because I was so cynical and there you came along, the male version of myself, friends over significant others, friends over romance, but you fell for me, you said I was special, and I thought you were too, because you were like me, you believed in the same things I did, but I never realized the gap between your words and your actions. I thought you cared because initially, you memorized my timetable and you picked me up from school. You called every night just to tuck me to sleep. You sent me home every time. You said sweet words and you defended me against hurtful people. But slowly there came discrepancies. Differences and arguments. You started showing how truly self centered you were; conversation was you-centric, how did your hair look, how did your outfit look, how you disliked my outfit, how my hair was too long, and so on. Because you still cared in other ways I didn't mind. I showed nothing but respect for you when you were away while you accused me of finding someone else. How good a liar you were because you were doing exactly the thing you accused me of. So what if I fell for you on first sight? So what if we missed each other at the same time? So what if you brought me to see your parents? Really, none of these matter now. Because I'm over this.

I just need this. I need this anger. I need to know that I am worth so much more than how you treated me. I need to tell myself to stop being nice and admit that you were a jerk, you were a liar, you were a player and that you were despicable in ways unimagined. I FUCKING HATE YOU. I AM ANGRY FOR HOW YOU TREATED ME. I WANT TO HIT YOU FOR EVERY SINGLE TEAR YOU MADE ME CRY. I HATE YOU.

Yes I was too naive. But not everyone is bad. It was you. You were fucking one of a kind man, sweet talker.

I'm done with this. I don't wish you ill but I know karma's going to get you.

I WISH I NEVER LET YOU HOLD MY HAND, @#!$#&$$%^%$

2012-02-06T03:05:00.000+08:00

now I've seen you look like that before
I knew every word you'd say before you stepped foot in the door
kept me hanging on baby way too long
I said way too long
maybe I was wrong and I don’t belong no I don’t belong

I wish you never looked at me that way
I wish I never asked you here to stay
I wish we could have carried on this way
I wish I wish I wish I wish

I wish I never let you hold my hand
I wish I never tried to understand
I wish I was never part of your plan
I wish I wish i wish i wish

Michael Woods ft. Little Boots
\I Wish

Love this song. It resonates with deep thoughts in my mind. It also makes me realise how many girls out there are like me and have gone through the same thing as I had.

Michael Woods is coming to Zouk! Zouk's lineup for February is so awesome. I only pray the mother would be kind and let me go. However, recent crazy men climbing into houses and trying to rape young ladies are not helping my case of returning home late. Sigh I NEED A TASER

Been telling people I want to die as of late. Been telling my mom I want to drop out of school.

Fuck this shit

But:

Pamela Ng
I'm going to kill myself soon
Ugh

Yihan Nee
Don't
Gareth Emery

Hahahahahahaahahhaahahahahaahah oh priorities

fat. and. dumb.

2012-02-05T00:31:00.001+08:00

Haven't bought anything new since 18th January; it hasn't even been a month but my hands're itchy again. But I told Cynthia I'm not going to shop till March is over. I MUST KEEP TO IT.

photo via studded hearts

Alexa Chung is so pretty.

.

Been flipping through countless photos on fashion blogs in a bid to try to make myself eat less because my appetite has been uncontrollable these past few weeks. Kept watching FTV too. I have been really upset these past few weeks, because of school work, and because of stupid eating habits. I keep getting stressed out I keep getting stressed out I keep getting stressed out and it goes in a stupid circle because I binge eat when I'm stressed and I get fatter and I feel worse.

):

... ):

It should be the hormones, because it's the time of the month.

.

I am upset.

<:

2012-02-04T14:16:00.002+08:00

Styrofoam balls!!

(: (: (: (: (:

I kissed you goodbye at the airport

2012-02-03T02:02:00.000+08:00

today is a bad day.

):

hormones are messing up my psyche.

.

Actually today wasn't all too bad, because I got brought out to eat nice stuff by two awesome persons, but I'm feeling so horrible now I wouldn't do them any justice by blogging about them. I don't know why I feel so down; everything just seems wrong and I just want to be angry with myself for every single thing.

But before this gets worse, I'm going to head to bed, like someone suggested.

This song makes me horribly sad in ways unimaginable, yet it makes strangely contented too.

Goodnight.

So here we are now, and I can't stop from crying, Lily

2012-02-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

SO. SICK. OF. EVERYTHING.

)':

Christmas of years '10 and '11

2012-02-01T20:15:00.001+08:00

I WAS SUPPOSED TO START on this post hours ago but have been distracted by Ivan and Melcher! Wow I used to be able to do so many things simultaneously when I was in secondary school but now I'm hopelessly unfocused. My memory is failing me too. I keep reminding myself to check my EZ card balance when I tap out because I want to check how much my daily commute costs but I keep getting distracted by either music or people rushing in and out. D:

Today's entry is going to be photo-heavy! :D It's about.. Christmas. Last year's. And the year before last year. HELLSYEAH to procrastination. Okay if you're my friend on Facebook then you would've seen photos from 2010's christmas; it is titled "PINK TIPSY DANCE CHRISTMAS". In its description I say:

"I AM WEARING PINK LENSES WOO here are notes to the bunch of asses who made christmas awesome:
-- Uh okay no I shall do this on my blog hahahaha. ♥
Ignore the repetitive zilian shots I was taking my eyes!"

Okay it is ON my blog, 'cept it may be a ~~little~~ lot later than expected, heh. Well in any case I'm just gonna post up photos because I can't really remember much of what had happened, heh. I had gone to Butter on the eve for countdown! Benny was playing.

Pink lenses! This was how I looked on the 25th of December 2010!

And this was how Nemmy looked!

HAHAHHAH every one of us can review the extents to which we have changed.

The card he gave me (:

V CHANGED THE MOST LA

She looks like this nao. :D

MEINU.

WII is an integral part of our christmas celebration. Actually we don't even.. celebrate it, like in a traditional sense. We just gather and play WII lololol

I had a lot of fun on this!!

Meinu tipped me over

Favorite shot of that night

Lots of idiotic dancing moves \o/

ALICE ONG :D

Minxz came!

"VICTORY!"

And I'm so envious of Seah Hui Min's tiny waist.

I recall getting pretty high that night, 'cos I drank a bit. THERE'S A VIDEO SOMEWHERE with my guttural roars of claiming triumph over Kenelm Tey in a WII Danceoff!!!!

I always succumb to sleep the earliest. *-* Squishing the Mickey mouse.

Heh

And as I did during 2010, I also went clubbing on the eve of 2011's christmas day. I hadn't intended on going because the guest dj was Ferry Corsten, whose music I'm not really familiar with, but Yihan sent me this link on whatsapp: http://lockerz.com/s/167744227 which led to this photo:

From this guy's twitter!

Which was just cheating please!! IT WAS SO PRETTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY D: How could I have not gone!

So I came home, speedily showered and got ready.

Took about fifteen minutes to do my makeup? D: I can work under pressure!

It was sooooooo difficult to hail a cab, so I called for one; my cab driver was EXTREMELY talkative and asked why I studied, why was I going to Zouk, told me it's not that safe to drink and party..

When I took this, he was like "Are you taking photos of yourself?? Do people do that?" ._. I was thinking to myself, "Like almost all females do it??" Lololol

Attempted to capture the pretty dancefloor myself but it was an epic fail as you can see. BUT IT WAS SOOOOOO PRETTY. Umm but I ended up with a hell lot of styrofoam balls in my heels hahahahahahah.

Ferry Corsten is a trance producer, so I wasn't too familiar with the tracks he played but of course Yihan zhng-ed my music list! :D

Punk (Arty Remix)

Original!

Radio Crash. Really like this!

But house is still more of my thing! :D

Moving on to last year's christmas, I got my arse to the market to get ingredients to make potato salad.

The healthy portion, which supplies to the salad part of the label, salad. I don't understand why potato salad is called potato salad. Because it so ain't healthy. I prefer tomatoes to cherry tomatoes, but it's easier to not have to cut the latter!

Bane of my existence. YUK

Love of my life :D

I had used two different types! One's the normal kind, and one's the kampong chicken kind given to me by Flea. THE LATTER IS SO SMALL AND CUTE!

Just a teeny amount of onions, to perk up the salad!

Mix 'em up!

With GOOD MAYONNAISE. Another love of my life. Hahahaahaahahah

By the time I had showered and gone out of the house it was already eight plus. I THINK they weren't too concerned though; they're used to it hahahahaahaha.

Accidental shot while looking away. LOOK AT MY FALSIES

They were up to this when I reached:

MACAM 2010 PLEASE. ALWAYS STUCK TO LAPTOP

LIZ :D COMPARE THIS TO 2010'S SHOT! :D

Not much has changed. right! :DD We still young, yo \o/ OH YES I had purposely chosen to wear the same shirt. HAHAHAHA it's symbolic.

& yes, why do I always have to wear something on my head on christmas? I do not know. It isn't a santa hat either. *-*

This was taken with Teyhonwei's Olympus Pen EP.. I'm not sure if it's the first or second! But it was one of the art filters, I think.

Taken by my Sony Nex 5

By Nem's Pen

Pop Art filter.

I think I still prefer the sharpness of mine! It's just that the Pen's body is so oldschool and compact-looking. Mine looks sleek and sexy. It's okay, I'll take the tradeoff!

BROMANCE! Boss & Nem.

Meinu! He changed his contact name in my phone from Meinu Edmund to Royal Highness Meinu The Great HAHAHAAHAH I left it as it is.

I was eating out of this smaller container (there's a shot of the bigger one above), and I was making 'em try it. Alice seemed hesitant in eating and she went "You only brought this much ah?" LOL I was so amused; if I brought so little might as well don't bring right! Assured her there was a bigger bowl hidden in the fridge. :x

Asked 'em to take groupshots w my controller, but..

Boss was too occupied watching Meinu play. LOL he's always like this! When he pays attention. I used to umm chio when I caught him doing it in school. He's unaware that he does it, heeheehee

LOVE YOU BUNCH

Nemmy so cute in the background ^-^

MEINUUUUUUUU :D

If he has the camera.. I will have a shot of his mouth

Nemmy has toy figures displayed on his shelf (in the background)!

Idk what game they were playing, but they all sucked at it hahahahahahahahaah

WII TIME! Told ya it is tradition

Hate Mario Kart, I always always always lose

Left alone taking photos heehee :x

With the Pen!

Huimin dropped by for awhile, but she left 'cos she was too tired! D: I still remember she blogged about how vigorously I shook my arse playing WII heeheehee.

Here's Nem's agenda for "celebrating" christmas: EATING PRETTY LOG CAKES!

Put zee remote control to good use!

MEINU DAMN RUDE AH

He didn't like my potato salad, said I didn't butcher the potatoes enough, said I should've put bacon. MEH

Holding on to different condiments and lil' eats displayed on the kitchen table! I ate the fried shallots after eating the cake and then had b&j ice cream. Tell me about strange eating habits.

Was a bitch to cut

Went back to the living room to play more WII! Played tennis and I was SO LOUSY. D: I couldn't grasp that it had to do with timing your hits rather than actually using force. Hit Meinu a couple of times with full strength and wide out swerves. IT IS A DANGEROUS GAME!!

Forced 'em to play Resident Evil because I wanted to watch but was too scared to play it myself. :x It's fun giving commands asking them to "SHOOT THE HEAD, SHOOT THE HEAD!!!" and noticing small details like how there were SO MANY MALE characters for the zombies, even mere extras like the townspeople and the policemen, but IT WAS THE SAME FEMALE CHARACTER FOR EVERY SINGLE ZOMBIE. She had short hair and a reddish crop top. *-* The fuck, sexism in video games.

Fell asleep after awhile, and then we went back to Nem's bedroom where he said "Watch this show! It's quite interesting." He showed us Liar Game. The live action version, not the anime. WAHLAO I WANTED TO STRANGLE HIM -- IT WAS SO LAME. LAMEEEEEEEEE to the max. Liz agrees. It was a full two hours of nine people being stuck in a room and accusing each other of being "X" and playing with golden, silver and red apples. Nem says the anime is much more interesting but I'll have to take his words with a pinch of salt. But even though it was so lame we completed the movie HAHAHAHAHA.

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

WHOOP I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW AFTER THIS LONG RAMBLING POST! :D Am off to do my tutorial for tmrw. Today I was so tired I fell asleep on my way back and almost missed my stop at Bishan. I have also realised, I've gained a lot of weight. Been eating in the craziest uncontrollable manner since finding out I had lost weight. Is this a psychological thing!? Am I subconsciously trying to distance myself from my goal because if I ever reach it I'll have no purpose for living?!

.. I kid.

Been browsing photos and am so envious of people who're naturally slim. Shall get started on exercising again, sigh! GOOD DAY, bye mates.

Ending off with a photo of my trusty nex 5! :D

2012-02-01T02:07:00.000+08:00

WILL UPDATE TMRW WITH PHOTOS

AM SO TIRED

MY BRAIN IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!

For everything that I've taken for granted

2012-01-31T21:12:00.001+08:00

Have you ever questioned "the things that are supposed to be"? All this while all I've done-- what I've mostly done, at least -- was to follow how things are, how things are meant to be done, how I'm supposed to agree to doing certain things without realizing that I could have done otherwise. How is it that I've internalized so much of what I have as rightfully mine and not considered to a greater extent differences? I'm truly glad for the opportunities that I've had in my education, to learn about all these, to be offered different perspectives and to be able to be exposed to insights of people wiser than myself. I now question what's supposed to be, and feel more inclined to want to contribute to change for the better, in any way that I can.

For now though, I'm relegated to drowning in these readings which enrich my brain by my sad and lonesome desk, appreciating all these, yet being subject to churn out sentences which show that I've understood these and proving my intelligence by being put through rigorous examinations is slowly making me a sad girl.

I am going crazy.

I eat sad dinners alone at home and raise my can of OJ/beer to the telee.

Okay I'm kidding la. Pops coming back with durian soon I hope it's the sweet kind I dislike the bitter kind YES I AM NOT TRULY SINGAPOREAN WAHAHAHAH. 'cos everyone else I know loves bitter durian. *wrinkles nose

Fighting a losing battle

2012-01-31T00:51:00.001+08:00

You're waiting by the phone
Yeah just hang it up we promise you
You'll never be walking alone

We'll make this world ours
Yeah just come along we promise you
You'll never be walking alone

*

I love, love, love swedish house mafia

Shoutout

2012-01-29T23:03:00.001+08:00

Again, I am grateful for my two best friends because speaking to them calms me down; I have faith in myself when they do.

To Ms Ng Yoke Cheng and Ms Noorhuda Amalina, you two are the best friends ever, that one Pamela Ng could have.

Love you two like mayonnaise. <:

2012-01-28T16:21:00.001+08:00

Bawling away like a kid that's been pushed off the playground swing.

Realised sometimes the moments when I cry my hardest, it's because of schoolwork. I feel fucking stupid. Why do some people just seem to be so much smarter all the time?

)':

2012-01-27T09:33:00.002+08:00

Everytime I start to feel sad, angry, jealous -- any negative feeling, I think about the advice you gave me. I think about the flaws you said I had, that I needed to change, to be a better person. I never truly believed until you unearthed every little detail about myself.

So now, whenever I have a choice to take a step back, rather than acting on that small little negative feeling, I do the former. I want to be a better person.

2012-01-27T00:28:00.003+08:00

Slightly freaked out now because Nuffnang states someone googled my blog with stuff from one of my tweets *-*

My life not that interesting, okay!!!

niggling feelings

2012-01-27T00:18:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, I started the day off in good spirits; I had woken up earlier to head to biz canteen to purchase a salad to keep it aside for lunch. On the way to school I was even sending Huda encouraging peptexts telling her to not be down! Because I saw her tweet about being exhausted and having to be up for an 8.30am lesson. At that time I had this niggling feeling in my mind that I probably shouldn't be so chirpy in the morning because of my belief that when you start off a day being happy, it tends to go downhill and bad stuff would start happening to you. IT'S SUPER SUPERSTITIOUS AND TOTALLY IRRATIONAL, I KNOW, but I'm like this. Conversely if y'start off your day like crap it can only get better. :D But because of that gut feeling, I actually felt quite amused the whole day, because my prediction did come true.

The western food stall didn't have salads in their fridge -- I WAS GREETED WITH HEADS -- that's how y'call it right? Not balls? LOL -- OF LETTUCE. *-* At that time I was a tad amused already; "Was this the start of my bad day?" I was mulling over that. Got myself a salmon & egg sandwich instead.

Media seminar went okayyyyy though I felt quite.. lame because I didn't really understand what was going on. We were released early, because one group presented instead of two. So, at 11am, Zhiwei the dearest accompanied me to UHC (NUS' University Health Centre) to consult a doctor on the state of my sore throat and flu. HEEHEE the missy has always gone with me to the doctor's!! I am so lucky. (: Thank you m'dear. Enquired about the waiting time, because the queue was sooooooo long, and I had to return later because I had Soci lecture at 12pm.

Got myself an iced coffee, and slowly trekked my way from YIH to Engineering. D: Even though it was the third week of school, and I assure you that I didn't play truant for the first two lectures, I GOT FRIGGIN' LOST. I MADE A WRONG TURN SOMEWHERE AND COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET BACK. *faints I bumped into Zhiying though, right after that I realised I was somewhere... foreign. Followed the signs to LT7a but all of the sudden they went missing. Had to swallow my pride and ask for directions, thank goodness I wasn't far away.

Headed inside the lecture theatre, and sipped my coffee while waiting for the lecturer to turn up. It was odd because it was close to twelve already and many people from the previous lecture were still milling about discussing about the handing up of tutorials. When it was 12.05pm, there were about fifty plus, sixty plus people in the LT, and I was wondering about the day which the same lecture, held in Arts, was held on. About the same time my brain realised it was one of the days of CNY, a guy seated at the back of the LT went "Hey, those of you who are here for Making Sense of Society.. I think there isn't any lecture today."

O:

HOW UNFORTUNATE CAN MY DAY GET!?!??!

Left the LT after thanking the dude for confirming my suspicions. Feeling foolish, I realised that I had to wait even longer for UHC to re-open after lunch hours. ): If I'd known about lecture being cancelled, I could've just waited from 11am onwards! Sigh. Yes yes, it was my own fault for not checking the schedule -- but the lecturers didn't make an announcement at all.. *twiddles fingers OKAY OKAY blaming myself, taking full responsibility.

Luckily Jasper & the rest were having lunch, so I went to join 'em and had my second half of the sandwich! :D Also bumped into Gaya & Nithiya which was awesome. :D

Throughout the day, I was really, really amused. You might think I'm crazy because I had such an unfortunate day wasting so much time, but because I had predicted it somehow, I was prepared for it HAHAHAHAAH. Now you KNOW I'm crazy, not just think it. But honestly! It was like having a private joke with myself.

I don't know why I'm so blur these few days but I was also almost late for my soci makeup tutorial because my brain had calculated all preparation times for an one-hour tutorial instead of a two-hour one. Managed to make it on time albeit the horrid waiting time for A1 at Kent Ridge. Am pretty happy because Sheela remembers me from Singapore Society tutorial! :DDDDD Sounding like a mega creepster but she is the prettiest and most intelligent T.A I've gotten, lolololol. She offered to help if I have questions with any soci modules, which is awesome of her!

TODAY a guy ran to get the last seat in the train. I was slowly making my way towards it, so I was a tad taken aback. When he made eye contact with me, I could see guilt in his face. LOL I'm dramatising. Maybe he didn't give a shit. I tweeted "Chivalry is dead. Guy RAN to get the last seat in the train."

While on the way home with Melcher, I was telling him about it. He said he wanted to reply "But I'm not dead!" which is pretty true, he is damn nice and I realised he always pulls open doors for me. Of course I'm not claiming all guys aren't gentlemanly anymore, it was just a tweet. Moreover there are feminists who'd slap me for expecting differential treatment, heh.

Melcher also said "Yeah I saw it" when I mentioned my tweet. It made me ponder the changes in the ways we connect with each other now. I recall, in primary and secondary school, it was always conversation-based, where we'd go "Oh yesterday I did this, I went to this, she said this, he did this" and so on. Now, when I bring up something that I had either blogged about or tweeted, it's highly possible that my friend would have seen it prior to my mentioning it. In this particular case, he could have either waited for me to continue giving him details about what had happened, or tell me that he'd seen my tweet and hence knew some information. He did the latter, which allowed for me to continue on without providing additional information. I AM AMAZED AT A. HOW TECHNOLOGY HAS CHANGED OUR LIVES B. HOW DYNAMIC CONVERSATION IS

Regarding A, it really allows for friends who don't meet up regularly to know, to a certain extent, how another is doing. That also depends on how much information one lets another know online, but yeah. Most of us have a Facebook account, yeah? :D That being said, it also makes for conversation topics to be more interesting than the daily going ons of life! It really makes one delve further into random topics. We talk a lot more about what we did, when, where, those kinda stuff. In my opinion anyway. Regarding B, I just think the two way paradigmatic feature of face to face conversation is so dynamic. *bounces* I love talking to people! Conversation is so not.. stale. I had to immediately jump to other stuff when Melcher said he had seen my tweet.

I think my medicine is getting to me. HAHAHA was this a load of rubbish to you! This is what goes through my mind. A lot of random thoughts... which I have problems succinctly expressing. Hurhurhur.

Today:
- Had dinner with Ng Yoke Cheng, after which we traipsed back to her house to chill. Where chilling involves beer, and where said beer for today failed miserably. SISSY OF BEERS. I always fall asleep on her couch. It is too comfortable.
- Bumped into Yihan in his army uniform! He looked taller. He said I didn't look ill. Which is a good thing, I suppose.
- Didn't dress the way I felt. D: I still have the mind of a secondary school kid!

The doctor offhandedly remarked that my condition would worsen in the next few days. D: I hope I recover pretty soon; it sucks having to breathe through my mouth. One good thing came out of having to go to UHC though -- I found out that I had lost weight! I am one kg away from my ideal weight. (: STRANGELY though, I have been pigging out during CNY, eating steamboat for dinner for two straight days, and snacking on EVERY SINGLE CNY GOODIE I spot in ANY house, aren't I supposed to gain weight? D: I think it's the chores. The physically strenuous mopping and vacuuming and wiping and dusting and climbing up and down. I SHALL MOP THE FLOOR TMRW TO ATTEMPT TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I don't know why people lose their appetites when they're ill. My appetite is monstrous when I'm ill. Yesterday, after having meekia for dinner, I had two egg tarts and ten pineapple tarts for supper. Yeah man, that is how scarily I eat. *-*

Shall go off to find more food. G'night, kiddos!

Ohayo!

2012-01-25T05:15:00.000+08:00

TIME. TO. GET. MY. HEAD. ON. THE. RIGHT. WAY.

D:

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS

2012-01-24T00:41:00.000+08:00

Please disregard previous entry

Flu medicine makes me sad

so lost\confused again

2012-01-24T00:16:00.000+08:00

Having the worst sniffly nose now, keep tearing up when I sneeze. THIS IS A SUCH A GREAT END TO CNY, NO? D: Meep. Well but today was an awesome day spent being silly, and eating steamboat. Shall update with photos soon.

Listening to Tom Delonge now, and I feel really comforted. I used to be afraid of the beginning of I Feel So, because it resembled the tinkerings of a circus show, and it made me think of clowns.

I shall head to bed now, with medication upsetting me, and the general letdowns the opposite sex have put me through. I know everything seems bleak now, but..

But..

I don't really have anything to add on to that.

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
wish I could feel no pain

i feel so\boxcar racer

2012-01-23T00:24:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CNY :D

Since I'm online, I shall wish every one of y'all a prosperous and happy lunar new year! May your kids grow more chubby, may you eat fabulous steamboat, may you have the best year with happiness and smiles! :D

For now though, I've caught a sudden cold and am suffering from a sore throat from two slices of bakkwa and two ferrero rochers. My throat damn weak ah?!!?

2012-01-22T16:17:00.001+08:00

Rewarding myself with a slice of bak kwa now, because I just vacuumed and mopped both floors. This CNY, I've been a maid. Also, the mop somehow ripped one of my toenails half off so it's hurting like a bitch now. Am preparing myself for the pain when I put qing cao you later ):

S-T-A-R, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!

2012-01-22T10:29:00.002+08:00

I THINK I'LL BE FINE; I FEEL TOTALLY '90s AS I'M LYING ON THE GROUND

IN MY SMOKIN' UNDIES

BACK \o/

Alex Metric!

2012-01-22T02:05:00.002+08:00

;_; I have no words. Music, y u render me speechless?

.

I went to Zouk with Lenee a really long time ago -- like last August or something? -- for Alex Metric! I picked up her in a cab.

Truthfully, there've only been a couple of times that I've not taken a cab to Zouk before, simply because I'm always late *-* TRYING TO CHANGE THOUGH, cab fare is mad ex these few days. ): Nowadays I try my best to only cab from town.

Lenee! :D

Love you max, primaryschool bestie!

I wear more complicated stuff to club nowadays hahahahha. Was always always trying to wear black to look skinny but evs, way past that now. BONE STRUCTURE CAN'T BE CHANGED

She had brought her polaroid along, as I had my camera!

Yeah we delved into the cordoned off area at the side to take photos! Before queuing to get chops

Went to queue up, and bumped into her friend, who helped us take a photo using Lene's digital camera! Lololol Idk why the two of us bring so many cameras to go clubbing.

After awhile, Lenee's friends from SIM came! I swear I had the best fun with this group of people hahahahahaah. They love drinking. Got introduced to flaming lambo by them!

Lenee, Weiyang & Poon :D

The girls! Vanessa had just celebrated her 21st. :D

SPOT THE SCARY CAUCASIAN DUDE behind us!

Still lurking hahahahaha

Oh yeah, all photos credited to Lenee! (: All these were mostly taken at Winebar. I seldom go there because I always hit the dancefloors instead of chilling, heh.

Bing Hong & Weiyang trying to imitate us ):

Terence and me! :D

The bromance is amazing :3

This should be after the flaming hahahhahaha

And Lenee has converted from a BB to an iPhone!! Haahahahahaha. I stopped using my lousy omnia too. My hair has since undergone major changes, too. Wahahaha.

Happiness induced from awesome company, awesome music and being high make for a good photo!

Met a boy who wore Versace. I need to stop this obsession with scents hahahahaha. And tall boys. But still.

I should just focus on all these!:

Pretty drinks: Apple shooters. Someone told me that these seem harmless but if y'drink enough of 'em the kick will come in gradually and you'd get damn high. IT'S DAMN SWEET AND NICE. Tastes really harmless hahahahahahaha. Not like flaming

Anyway, Alex Metric was good! ^-^ But Lenee's friends preferred Phuture's music so yeah, followed 'em mostly. But NOW, I realised, I'm quite scary -- I like to run about places myself and I cause my friends to worry when I just suddenly disappear. :x But the best place to look for me is on the podium? :D

End of the world. One of my fav tracks! Was my happy song for awhile. Pretty ironic, no? Heh.

Love the music for this, not so much the vocals.

I'm getting old, can't remember where each track appears O: NUUUUUUUU.

Lene and I went to Zouk again recently -- I think I'll update about that soon, and you can witness the differences a mere four months can achieve! Heehee. :p

Discovered this in my phone! From the day I accompanied Da to get her hair done

Though hair is mega messy, at least effort to put falsies is (I HOPE) appreciated! :D

This is sucha half-arsed update hahahahahaha. Can't wait for CNY day 1 to come so I can finally have my steamboat dinner. D: Ever since the 'rents bought CNY goodies back I've only had TWO measly slices of bakkwa. I cannot even bring across to you how much pain that is and how much SELF-RESTRAINT I've had to wield. ): I love bakkwa. But Madame is a bit too fat for pretty photos nao, so I'll have to wait till CNY day 1 is over first! That's when photos would have been taken hahahahaah.

I'm going to try to sleep. I WISH I WAS AT ZOUK NOW *BAWLS

2012-01-21T03:47:00.001+08:00

Clubbing life, I rescind my farewell.

2012-01-20T01:18:00.000+08:00

The smell of durians permeates the air.

My head is pounding.

This happened the other day: @paaamelajf Just fell completely on a boy when A1 lurched forward. Am utterly embarrassed. *-*

I swear the bus driver kept on braking and moving forward at the strangest moments. I'd like to think my sense of balance is okay, but that day my entire self fell on the guy next to me and there was a good few seconds where I was helpless because I couldn't right my body back. Thank goodness he didn't take offence.

Kevin tweeted this: NUS ISB. Matchmaking on the sidelines RT @paaamelajf Just fell completely on a boy when A1 lurched forward. Am utterly embarrassed. *-*

Which amused me to no end. I sometimes marvel at how witty people around me are. Their tweets prove it!!

Brain's frazzled. Goodbye.

2012-01-19T21:10:00.001+08:00

After the breakup, I kept reading books about death, loss, breakups, love, rejection, pain. I read books that made me feel empty and left me not knowing what to do after I shut them. When one's perception of love is proven wrong, he looks to others in hopes of knowing what truly is. But there isn't any standard definition.

I think I'll never ever find out.

MY LOVE AFFAIR

2012-01-19T18:07:00.000+08:00

I just watched the Zoukout 2011 video & I feel so sad for not going for Armin van Buuren. Only started listening to his stuff more recently. Yihan describes him as epic trance, and I must say that it is rather apt.

I love how, when I was chilling with Flea in her living room, using her laptop on the widescreen teevee, when the bass kicked in, she immediately gave this -- happy -- expression and started grooving to it, saying "Naaaaaaaise." I also thank whomever sent me Yihan, for he introduces the best shit to me all the time. Everytime I club with him and a particularly awesome tune kicks in, he says "My eyes are lighting up now" WHICH IS LIKE THE BEST DESCRIPTION EVER HAHAHHAHAAH. Some beats just make me so fucking high

Even though this has been out for some time, I LOVE IT WHEN THEY DROP THIS IN ZOUK. I think I dance strangely to it, though. However, clubbing life, I bide thee farewell. Well at least for the next four months. D: How am I going to surviveeeeeeeeeee. Sometimes I wonder why I go clubbing. Because, when I go, I drink. And to not get drunk when I drink, I've to eat a heavier than usual dinner -- when I usually skip meals or eat very little. But when I drink, I'm piling on more carbs! D: WEI SHEN ME?

BUT! It all boils down to my own choices. I could always just not drink, right? So yeah. It's all about having fun! And the best place to have fun is at Zouk. ZOUK IS THE LOVE.

:D

I started on the above a long time ago. Now I'm in school, borrowing Melcher's super cutesy tiny ASUS laptop, because I'm waiting for the Queen to knock off. Even though I'm majorly sleepy and fatigue is obvious in my face, I'm meeting her for dinner. GANNUER SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU HOKAY.

Meepmeep.

gambatte, ne

2012-01-19T10:27:00.002+08:00

"You're very innocent hor"

Even strangers say I trust people too easily. I don't know what I feel now, and I don't know what my goal is. But at least I'm searching, now. I love that when I meet new people, their experiences all shape my perspective. It helps by making me learn. Maybe I'm too naive in that I look for the best in people when I see them. But you did make me happy, and really, that's all that counts. We're all still young. Keep going, just keep going.

Last week, I became horribly sad. There was one night where I came home to an empty house and I sat down in my room, in the darkness, and weeped over the phone to Huda. "I feel so upset now." But after a few minutes and realising there really isn't anything to be sad about, I stopped. Some friends have been having problems of late, and they have had a significant male other being really caring and looking after them in ways that can only be described as worthy for a princess.

"I want to be able to get wasted and have someone pick me up" Only after I actually said this, did I realise how.. idiotic I sounded. Wtf I never want to get wasted again. I've been okay, I've been handling my alcohol good. I know Huda gets worried and she's slightly skeptical whenever I tell her I don't drink much nowadays, but it is the truth. Huda's the best. She tells me I'm worth it. Every single step of the way, she's been here with me. Yokecheng too, when I was upset that I had no one to buy dinner for me, she cabbed over with meehoonkuey. Okay you may now actually think that my notion of being alone stems from having no maid HAHAHAHA but.. it's the loneliness, y'knw? It's not that I want someone to text every day. It's not that I want someone to DO stuff for me every day. When I don't have those, I feel sad. However, when I do actually have those, I get so tired of it and feel so sick of myself being dependent on someone else. This is complicated. I guess all I need is to learn how to be Okay on my own. I feel bad for sharing all my problems with the two of them. I'd say things like "I feel so aimless now", "I don't know what I want to be" -- there is some personal standard that I used to pass, but now I feel so worthless. They're at the same age, how would they know? But they still have faith in me, and tell me these things take time.

We're all still figuring everything out, I have faith in all of us. ^-^

Essensuals Bugis! :D

2012-01-18T02:40:00.002+08:00

I've a 9am seminar and I probably should be sleeping now, with the lovely rain pitpattering down, but I wish to worsen the state of my eyebags, so here I am! \o/

As y'all know, I recently got my hair dyed. I decided to try out Essensuals Bugis due to the influx of bloggers advertising for them! I'm so envious, they all have brilliant hair *-* Headed down myself during the holidays after handing up SEP documents because I am a secretive faggot like that heh.

Upon arrival, warm greetings are guaranteed and magazines are handed to patrons while waiting for their respective stylists to attend to them (Lol why is this sentence so formal-sounding). I'd never gone before so I didn't know any particular stylist but most of the wellknown bloggers claim their favorite stylist or whatever lolol.

Before!

Roots being done.

When I sat down, Zoe (LIKE THE BEST EVER STYLIST. She is sooooo patient and nice! :D) asked "What can I do for you today?" My earnest reply was "I want to have HEALTHY, BOUNCY and weighed down hair"

She gave me a -_-" expression and went "With your current hair color, you'll never get bouncy and heavy looking hair." My eager self just deflated into a sad pile of goo on the spot hahahaahhahaaahah. Well she flipped through a couple of magazines and showed me what she meant. It is true that the blondes and lighter colored hair ladies mostly have this windswept, airy kinda feel, while those hotties with the fuck-me curls have darker hair. GO FLIP YO' MAGAZINES

Whilst I was still very -- and actually still am -- attached to my blonde hair color, the incident of my trying to run my fingers through my hair while I was at Zouk for Kaskade and meeting shitloads of tangled messes was still fresh in my mind so I was talked into cutting a few inches off, and getting a darker color!

Also did a Japanese Spa Treatment :D

Essentially, I think the interaction between a hair stylist and his/her customer is also very.. conversational? Lol it's like therapy to me, and they are providing a service after all. For my time there, Zoe was super patient with me -- I was highly reluctant to dye my hair to a darker color and even after deciding that I couldn't manage to choose a friggin' color for heaven's sake. Then when doing my hair, because I was there alone, she talked to me about random stuff. She had started learning the trade while in London, so it was really interesting to hear about her experiences. She also dispensed pearls of wisdom to me and asked me to club less and not meet boys from clubs. LOLOLOL.

I was pretty much the only customer left and was attended to by Zoe and this super friendly assistant! They did the treatment "gao gao" for me hahahahahaah I was so pampered. :3 They tried to convince me that Thai songs are nice to listen to, too. LOL. Got sweets from them because I hadn't had lunch nor dinner even though it was ten plus *-*

END RESULT! :D It is supposedly ash green, but the first dye is always too dark to see the actual color. (If you can spot Zoe in the background. She has platinum blonde hair #JEALOUS)

MY FUCK-ME CURLS HAHAHAH. Okay, I kid. I kept umm-chioing to myself when both of them were blowdrying the ends of my hair into soft curls. Damn nice okay!

Headed off and met Yihan for supper. His opinion was that this color was nicer than my previous. Now that I've this current hair color, everyone's telling me the previous hair color was too lian. THANKS AH PEOPLE. Well 'cept for Jen, Chanel and Joyce, who were just talking about how nice my previous hair color was and immediately bumped into me at FEP and found out that my hair color just happily darkened. D: #likkaEMOonly Yizhen and Huda also like my previous color more!

But it doesn't matter, because I learnt the ways to get my hair to be of better quality! And honestly dark hair just looks less wispy. *-*

Reached home at two plus and took photos. Please pardon the obvious fatigue on my face, I had had to walk back. With awesome company, but still.

with flash! Quite dark.

It's like this under the sun :3 Only my highlights show the ash green shade.

I LOOK SO STERN

Okay ending with a smile.

GOOD THINGS ARE MEANT TO SHARED, so ~~today~~ yesterday, I brought Huda down to get her to try the Spa treatment!

Look at how long her hair was!

And yes, she decided to get a haircut too!

Pauline, a senior hairstylist, recommended Huda get a good few inches off her hair due to her small frame not being able to carry off too long a length.

She cut a lot off leh!! D: If I were Huda I'd be tearing. But this sadistic monster still happily swung her cut hair at me

"I feel like I'm in a sci-fi movie"

While she entertains herself with steam, I sit and stare pensively at my hair

Only took this one pathetic photo even though I put on falsies today. When Cynthia sat down next to me and noticed them, she went "WAH YOU VERY HIAO LEH" HAHAHAHA I defensively told her I was going out to town. But she said it was nice and quite natural looking! :3 But in the end, I was too brain dead to feel attractive enough to take any decent photos.

Da keeps saying she likes the top part of my hair -- top, because the hair quality is the most brilliant there. Hahahahhahha. I think I'm really fortunate to have such sensitive friends around me; Yokecheng immediately says she likes this change when she senses I prefer my previous hair color, Huda and Yizhen tactfully say both colors are nice but they prefer the previous one. Minzx says I look more mature with this. To her it's a good thing hahahahaha. But yeah! No one outrightly tells me they dislike the previous one a lot, which is so nice of 'em.

Anyway, snip snip snip! And the end result:

NICE RIGHT! Her hair was too long for her petite frame! She looks so sweet nao :3

She didn't get her hair dyed, that's the room's lights' reflection. But check out the lovely soft curls ^-^

:D

YAY TO AWESOME AND NICESMELLING HAIR! \o/

Didn't do anything to mine though, heh.

Today, I had lunch with Johannes at the Deck WHERE WE HAD AWESOME BA CHOR MEE FROM MY FAVORITE STALL. He mentioned that I was very skinny now, compared to when they first met me at Soci camp. HE SAID I WAS PLUMP and I immediately glared at him LOL. Then he backtracked and said I'm much skinnier now, not that I was fat last time. Ah it was right after working for half a year in an office, I guess weight gain was to be expected.

BUT Amalina has also mentioned, on a recent occasion: "I can see an exact point where your (shoulder) bone sticks out"

Me: It has always been there??? ._.
Her: No, they haven't. TRUST ME, I've seen enough of your bare shoulders (an inside joke, for I love wearing tank tops, and sleeveless tops) to have noticed your BONE, STICKING out, alright?
Me: Meh

(Oh I just realised in one of the photos above can see the bone that Huda's talking about. HHAHAAHAHAH it's just positioning I guess?) I'm really not skinny now, have given up on exercising after renewal of realisation of the happiness that consumption of food brings. But in any case, still consoled that people think I'm skinny. WAAHAHHAAHHAHA

:3

Okay, sleep beckons.

PS If you can notice something, you're pretty good

PPS In totally unrelated manner, this is one fucking awesome song:

I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS. D: Love it love it love it!! I go crazy every time I hear it. Like if you see me bobbing my head like mad in trains, it is probably to this song. Especially the transition from 0:58 to 1:13.

PPPS A very cute person is talking to me now. OMG #foamsanddiesfromhappiness

TWO FAV PERSONS IN THE WORLD: version 2

2012-01-15T12:41:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TEYHONWEI! :D

collage of nemmy & his gay buds

You'll forever and ever remain the best buddy one can have! :D Hope you've an awesome 21st, and that your wishes come true. GET OUT OF ARMY SOON SO THAT Y'CAN COME AND BE MY JUNIOR AND I CAN BUG YOU TO BITS! :D Stay sweet and nice, stay the best and kindhearted person that you are, and WE'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

:D

I'm also here to blog about my one & only dearest gannuer!

A few months back, we went to Clarke Quay to have dinner; it was funny the way I made us not go by the usual path and to walk through the right side of the bridge so we wouldn't end up at Hooters, as it made us pass by a bar which was blasted true blue nigga music and made the two of us get so high. As usual, we couldn't decide which place to go to, and she went "You wouldn't like my choice if you asked me to decide" but the heat was annoying me so I just went "ANY PLACE WOULD BE FINE -- WAIT, don't tell me you want the bar back then?!?!?!" D: Because it had so many umm. Caucasians who were kinda high at SEVEN pm and dancing away. A tad too early, doncha think? Hahaahhahahahaha

She gave me a cheeky expression and hence we ended up there. Well y'knw, I'm open to new places!

We hadn't a clue the name of the place, which was located right next to the GMax swings -- it turns out it's very aptly named Bungy Bar! LOL.

I got a long island tea, and she one of her house pours. I love long island tea hahahahahahah.

And here's a string of blurry iPhone photos

OH WE FOUND OUT WHY THE MUSIC WAS SO GOOD. Because it basically consisted of African American girls going up to the decks and putting up YOUTUBE videos of all those music. LOL, WAY TO GO TO GET AUTHENTIC RAP AND AWESOME MUSIC.

If you're interested, this was one they were playing. Hahahahahah

There was a bunch of American Navy guys there, whose ship was docked in our ports and hence they were having a night's off. There was a man named Vladimir, who was totally ignoring the crowd and the blasting music, and webcamming with his girlfriend on his laptop. HOW SWEET :D A couple started talking to us, and bought Gannuer a drink :3 They were talking about the different places that they'd docked at before, Japan, Taiwan, Philippines, and so on, and one kept asking me if English was the language of communication here, because he was really amazed at my - supposed - level of proficiency. *-* I kept insisting to him that I could speak Mandarin too, and well, most Singaporeans would be able to converse in the same level of proficiency I do, but he was convinced that it was because I was an EL major and thus the discrepancy. I gave up after awhile and just asked him about his experiences. It turns out, many of 'em sign on into the Navy because they don't have money for college. It's a difficult thing to leave your family for years and miss out participating in your siblings' lives, don't you think? But they seem rather patriotic and took it in their stride.

Well we got a treat from them! :D \o/ The stuff there is pretty expensive though, and it housed a rather rowdy crowd when we were there. I've only gone there once so I'm not sure how the other nights are.

Was wearing my floral skirt :D Yes I am aware that I have white spots for eyes

And this collage, was made using photography apps on the early morning of the next day, because someone had woken me up with a call while clubbing, and made me worried while there was no response after the call. I realised, I SPENT MANY TIMES WORRYING AND BEING AWAKENED AFTER THREE/FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP DURING THAT PART OF MY LIFE. ): No wonder I kept falling ill. Why was I so carried away..

The heart's there because I love Gannuer. ^-^ I know it's been tough these couple of months, years, even. I'm sorry sometimes I grow frustrated with you, because I may not understand what you're going through. But please do know that I love you, and I'll forever be here for you, okay?

& yes, she has something called the Asian Flush. AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Okay, off to help the Papa wash more stuff.

self

2012-01-15T02:00:00.000+08:00

When I got startled by my own reflection, a night after dyeing my hair, because of watching Ju-On, and because I wasn't used to myself looking like this.

It is supposedly ash green. Can y'see the green in it?

Void of makeup.

.

I have battling loneliness for a week. I have been grappling with notions of self worth.

I have been trying to convince myself that I believe in myself.

Comprehension

2012-01-13T19:55:00.001+08:00

"Why'd you leave?"

"Problems with a male"

"Boyfriend?"

"Kind of"

"And you left him, just like that?"

"It's the only way to leave. "I don't love you anymore. Goodbye.""

"Supposing you do still love them?"

"You don't leave."

"You've never left someone you still love?"

"Nope."

; closer

Whomever gets the last kiss..

First week of Sem 2! WHOOP

2012-01-13T02:40:00.001+08:00

HELLO EVERYBODY! My first week of the second academic semester of my second year is O-V-E-R. Hence I'm here to shower some love on my blog. My brain hasn't managed to fully process anything past forty minutes of Merlin at one go, so it's slightly painful to attempt to instantaneously switch back to student-mode to jot down notes furiously whilst also be able to listen to the discussion going on, on top of that, contrive to produce something intelligible to contribute to said discussion. D: Additionally, back is hurting due to hours of sitting in seminar rooms.

HOWEVER, I am so happy to finally, finally, I say, see everyone in school! :DDDD *beams* Especially all the EL majors, and OG kids. First day of school was brilliant. Met Jianrong for lunch; I indulged in TAIWANSAUSAGE and a fried oily fish fillet. Language planning and policy seminar, meant to be a three hour seminar, ended in one and a half hours. :D After handing up a document for SEP purposes, and bumping into Jian Gang -- EXTREME YAY :D -- I headed to JurongPoint to meet Huda as we were both on the search for a suitable planner for this year. I was wearing new flats, and they had started hurting me after awhile, but I didn't have any plasters, so I put up with the pain. Well to be honest the pain was.. bearable?

Decided to treat myself to a Caramel Frap since 'twas the first day of school (:

I am such a brunette now. Sigh

Was early hence I played with the nex 5's aperture settings.. Yeah I brought my camera to school! I also had two sets of eyewear, eyedrops, hair mist, and makeup. Felt more like I was going out rather than for school.

But I was more prepared this semester! LOOK AT MY OHSOCUTE PENCILCASE! :DDDD It's from Art Box, heh.

Dada reached in awhile and we exchanged information on our modules in swift conversation. It was quite funny because the two of us were just super high. I whatsapped her "Your use of exclamation marks, hence the indication of happiness, is rather infectious." She says my hair reminds her of Veronica now. As in, Betty and Veronica. Like in comics?

Walked around a lot and the pain grew to an immense level of amazement. However Huda didn't have plasters either. I guess my pain threshold is really, really, high, because, when we were on the way home, in the train, I looked down at my feet, just remarking "My feet really hurt" to discover that my right foot was BLEEDING.

I WAS SO STUNNED. As extracted from Huda's blog: "In any case, her feet were hurting because of new shoes (oh the things we do for the sake of vanity! I've got so many blisters on account of new shoes, sigh) and I kept asking her to get plasters but she refused because she is a stubborn twat. Haiyoh. She walked around Jurong Point like that, which is amazing to me because if I were her I would've just taken off my shoes already.

We were in the train nearing Kranji or something when she pulled her foot out of her shoe and LO AND BEHOLD: BLOOOOOOOD.

HAHAHAH it was the most Bizarre moment ever because we both looked at her foot and gasped because we hadn't expected her to be bleeding la, seriously. Which was when I turned to her and asked, "Does it hurt now?" LOL she looked so confused by the question, the memory of her face still tickles me."

I MEAN, IT HURT, BUT HELLO, IT HURT SO MUCH IT BLED BUT I DIDN'T REALISE IT?!?! D: How numb am I to pain?! I think I've been subjecting my feet to way too many torturous shoes. What with squishing them into too small pumps, wearing heels which are too high, and flats which cut my feet. Goodness gracious.

Well but it was a good day. I scarred Huda, Yihan and Yokecheng with photos of my bloody heel but I shall not scar you with 'em. The pain when the water first hit the cut was so intense it made me laugh. But the day was good. I had Gogo Franks for dinner heehee.

On the second day of school, I went for my only lecture of the day! Dr Joseph Park is such a cutie. :3 I swear the English department has the cutest Korean professors. Dr Kim will forever and ever be the cutest in my heart!! Regardless of how difficult his module is. Hahahahaha. And how much he confuses me with his rambling methods.

Met Miss Neo to purchase our textbooks -- she came to school specially just to buy the textbook so as to complete the readings before seminar! SO HARDWORKING RIGHT -- and we decided to head out to Holland V for lunch. TREATED OURSELVES TO EVERYTHING WITH FRIES! :DD

I had Grilled Pork Chop with Original fries. The girl recommended Curry and Original flavors, but when I made a face at the word "Original", she hurried to correct my misconception of the fries being plain -- "It has ah.. Pa.. Pa-chika seasoning!" ._. I think she meant Paprika, and yes it certainly wasn't plain! Was really flavorful

The meat was very tender too.

Zhiwei chose the Salmon Cup as her main! The salmon was really good, not fishy nor flaky. She also ordered a Butterscotch milkshake which was soooooooo yummy and decadent. EWF HAS BRILL MILKSHAKES. :3

On Wednesday, I was late for the seminar given by one of my favorite professors. PAMELA NG AH. Had the best time in the seminar because Prof A does nothing but push the limits of my intellectual thinking. C'mon, one can wish. Saw Gary! :DD Teased him that he was still a giant teddy bear but I was kidding. Saw Melcher too, which was brill! :D Realised that the EL major circle is mega small.

After lesson, I donned my crazy specs:

HEEHEEHEE #likkacrazygirl

We came across this splendid wall of bricks!

Zhiwei was so sweet, she said I looked like some blogshop model. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA can die laughing. I've gained so much weight and I look positively insane with those specs heheheheheheeheheh

Love Miss Neo's shirt! It is from Threadless, and it is of a disembodied hand controlling a carousel. MOST OF ALL, IT EES PURPLE. Wahahahahahahahah

Love Miss Neo, too (:

She then accompanied me to the engineering block, where I had to attend Sociology lecture myself. ): Kinda bummed about that but I've always been taking one biz mod by myself since year one so it doesn't really matter. But I'm super sian about it being in engine! I get strange looks there. There is also no sheltered way there. At least, I haven't managed to find a fullproof one

On Thursday, I met Melcher to loan him three textbooks for Psycholinguistics. I love my books, hope he'll take good care of 'em! Heehee they were really heavy so he offered to meet me at the station.

Cinematic discourse went alright; I have come to a conclusion that most linguistics professors are terribly amusing. They're full of puns and have lil' secretive smiles to themselves all the time.

While returning home, I fell asleep on the circle line journey. After a few days of such travel, I have realised, I LOVE half stomping half bounding the path from the circle line to the NS line while listening to dance music. I literally float around sometimes, when I'm super sleepy but my music is propelling me forward.

I also get strange looks because I wear stuff like this:

HAHAHAHA no, I kid. The pair covering my eyes belong to Yokecheng, and the one sitting atop my head is a gift from Huda (: Turned up unannounced at Flea's place even though she thought I was horribly tired and headed home. WAHAHAHAHAH I love lying for such cheap thrills. I hope no one ever thinks to do this to me, though. I DRESS HORRIBLY AT HOME LOLOLOL.

Brought beer along with me!

The Asahi was mother good! Awesome after the long trek to her place. Corona is as always, good, too. :D No Tiger beer for me, please.

While out having dinner. We had yong tau fu!!!! My favorite. :D

HELLS YEAH, BEER.

My beer belly is developing, this is not good! 10 more days to CNY. Though I've nothing much to look forward to, and I don't even have new clothes for the festivities, I still want to look my best. So.. NO MORE BAK KWA FOR NOW!! And I really want to exercise but the cuts on my feet are mega deep. Pew. Shall work something out.

BYE GUYS, hope your first week back at school was good! :D

na ni?!

2012-01-11T00:31:00.002+08:00

Urge to blog is thwarted by need to complete readings and need to sleep. Why am I so unequipped to deal with cold weather I AM SUFFERING FROM A FLU NOW.

Shall update really soon! I have too many photos, all in the process of editing.

GOODNIGHT

like this, like that

2012-01-09T00:39:00.001+08:00

I AM REPLYING TAGS:

Huda:
still mad pink to meh.

I love the pink! :3

Joanne:
oooh I almost forgot bout our pondok rasa trip lollol burpburp

I wanna go back to eat the chicken thing for myself!!

jasper:
jia you pam :) 2012 will be a better year

:D YOU JIAYOU TOO!

v.:
(hearts)

Hi dear, I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

zhi wei:
hee I want to see your newly dyed hair! ;D (i'm... still waiting for my mods XD)

I hope you like it! Everyone seems to like it more than my blonde streaks. Are y'taking four modules this sem?

natalie:
hello i love your taste in muzikkkk :)

Yeah man, I listen to good shit :D

Huda:
THROW AWAY YOUR CHEM STUFF LA WTF. Sorry, the mention/thought of chem makes me angry HAHAHAHA.

I love chem, I don't want to throw it away hahahahahahahahaha. I still have my chem practical file from sec 4. And my red chem textbook. I'M A HOARDER, HUDA HELP!!!

min:
you know your blog always forwards me to some youtube video!? WHY!?

Eh it's some thing with most of the blogspot blogs. Will either have strange ad or strange video. Sorry manzx!

MAJOR LOVE FOR TAGGING, AS ALWAYS. *blows kisses

Today was spent traveling around alone with five hours of sleep. School is starting today and I feel an acute sense of dread. Been whining to a couple of people and I'm glad they're being nice. Was so tired but parents dragged me out for dinner. I have finally bought myself a new pencilcase. I AM READY FOR SCHOOL!!!

PS I apologise for all these short posts. Can't bring myself to edit photos for long posts. And brain can't seem to do any deep thinking. All I care about is figuring out how to utilise my curling tong.

PPS Got burnt by said curling tong. Red mark on neck resembles a hicky, but sadly, isn't. DOES ANYONE WANT TO SUCK MY NECK

PPS You know I'm only kidding, right?

PPPS I should be asleep.

*WAVES FAGGOTY BUTT

I am really not pretty enough for you to stop your dancing..

Last

2012-01-08T05:10:00.001+08:00

I'm really dizzy and sleepy now and I just want to sleep. Sometimes I don't know why I go clubbing, why I spend so much time dressing up, wearing five inch heels for hours, and putting up with guys who stop me from dancing.

But then I think about the music. The happiness I feel dancing away. The fucking awesome bubble of exhilaration when the deejay plays something I know.

Last time before school starts. I need to crash now. Goodbye.

Spring cleaning

2012-01-07T02:09:00.000+08:00

I just spent close to eight hours crawling about in my room cleaning it. D: I've cleaned windows of my brothers' and my room, and wiped walls, bedframes, and cupboard doors. Also cleared out drawers and boxes. Trying to reach out to the ceilings with my height, tiptoeing on chairs, is only made enjoyable by blasting music and singing out loud scaring people at the carpark. :D Was actually playing edm but mom requested change of music because apparently edm was driving her mad hahahahaha. However I've gotten so many bruises because I keep knocking my arms and legs on furniture, so along with bruises from Wednesday, my legs look horrible now.

I also washed a couple of bags today. My hands feel so raw. I don't usually help out with housework, but for a good part of the previous year, I'd been vacuuming both floors every day and also putting out and taking in laundry. It's extremely tiring; I can understand how much pain my mom goes through. *-* Some of my friends do their own laundry and even iron their own stuff. I.. seem so useless in comparison hahahaahahaahah.

Coming into contact with all those dirt and dust I felt like I'd to give myself a good wash so I had a good exfoliation session. And am also having a face mask on now. Dad came home saying "Good! Finish your own room can help me with the rest of the house tmrw." WHUUUUUT no. *collapse

Initially I faced two huge boxes with plans to throw away anything irrelevant but after seeing all those pages of chemistry practical sessions where we had to identify hydrogen with a lit fire that goes Pop! -- I'm bs-ing here can't really remember. Was some ppt bluish green or greenish blue? I remember writing turquoise and getting marked down for that though it means exactly the same thing -- and thousands of pages of 100year series I feel like I should hold on to them further LOL. I'M A HOARDER SOMEONE HELP ME. I threw away my secondary four geog textbook though. Somehow I've no recollection of those pages, perhaps it reflects how much I dislike Geography hahahahah. I recall all those lessons sitting with Meinu and Ben though, with Zhiwei. I always got scolded along with them hahahhahahaha.

I also found many many choir scores and funny, I seem to have many copies of Kasar and Gamelan. Maybe I always had extras because I was in charge of scores. There were so many old songs, like Siksik, Ave Maris Stella, The Wedding Ring, and so on. Super super super nostalgic and I tried singing some with the help of my alto memory. :3 Being less musically inclined I always had to memorize starting notes.

Miraculously I too discovered my calculator from Anderson Sec. I know a few other people who're also in love with their scientific calculators and hate using other brands. I thought I'd lost it a few years ago so finding it now just made me fucking happy hahahahahahahahaaahha. I know I sound really bizarre now but whatever. I also kept swearing in front of my mother until she couldn't take it and tsk-ed me. :3

This is such a rambling post. I just want to type on my keyboard as the thoughts flow because the taptaptapping is so comforting to me.

School is starting on Monday.

I ramble for some.. crumbles

2012-01-06T01:25:00.000+08:00

I'M KINDA FEELING DOWN NOW -- I know, you must thinking, when is this girl ever not down?!!? That reminds me, I've yet to reply Kelvin about feeling emotional, damn. I need better management of replying texts -- so I'm here to try to cheer myself up. I suspect it's due to the four hours of sleep after returning home from Zouk.

I'm slightly amused as to how much my parents like to.. talk to me about all these matters. Like returning home late, going out to party, drinking alcohol and so forth. And how my brothers don't receive the same treatment. I used to be get irritated when they started lecturing. For instance, when I returned home after christmas in the morning, I only slept from 9am to 1pm, and happened to wake up just as my parents were leaving for lunch. Somehow being the only daughter I guess I just like doing this kinda stuff with 'em, having lunch and grocery shopping, so I asked them to give me a moment while I washed up. Immediately my momma unleashed words like "Always come home late sleep late wake up late then we must buy back food for yall, only know how to enjoy."

-- HOLD ON, IN CASE YOU'RE MISTAKEN, I'm not complaining about my parents and neither am I unhappy with them whenever they scold me. Hahahaha I actually appreciate it that they give a damn about my wellbeing. --

That day, however, I got irritated because I was firstly, sleep deprived, but mainly, I was instantaneously irritated with the differential treatment. MY BROTHERS WERE BOTH STILL SLEEPING?!?!!?!?! They had also gone out for the night and returned home late. Whilst they were snoring away, I was being scolded after 4 hours of sleep and merely because I wanted to join my parents for lunch. TELL ME YOU DON'T THINK IT'S UNFAIR. I retorted back "Wahlao then korkor and didi still sleeping then only because I wake up earlier and am actually awake to talk to you all that you can have the opportunity to scold me?!?! They escape the scoldings because they're still asleep?!!? Then shouldn't I just continue sleeping too?! *incredulous"

Needless to say, lunch was a chilly affair but I started por-ing my parents after awhile hahahaahahaha so grocery shopping went alright. I BOUGHT PEANUT BUTTER BISCUITS!!

Additionally, there was another day where I went out for dinner with my parents. I had a sudden craving for curry fish head and though Papa had just taken medicine for flu he went along, though slightly grudgingly. After dinner, while walking back home, I suddenly quipped "EHHH. You two actually treat me quite nicely huh! I say I want to eat curry fish head then no questions asked, just go immediately hor.. Somemore daddy quite unwilling, I can tell hahahhahaha"

Then immediately the lecturing started again "Exactly lor I'm so sleepy actually all I wanted was someone to dabao for me" And my mom went "YOU SEE you know how nice we treat you?! Then always still compare to your brothers and everything.." Papa: "I tell you ah, we nag nag nag so much now it's for your own good, will do you well to listen to us. Wanna play and enjoy? When you start working and have independence you can play all you want! Why do it now when you have to study" I was totally TICKLED because with my remark I singlehandedly struck down the dam. If I'd just kept my mouth shut they'd have continued their conversation heehee.

And just this morning, because I'd made plans with Momma to catch Sherlock Holmes 2 together, I checked the movie timings before heading to bed. AT SIX IN THE MORNING OKAY. Made sure I woke up early enough, at 10plus, and asked Momma if she wanted to go for the 1.30 show. The dear woman immediately went "You sure you can go? Come back so late, huh what time did you come back huh! Still tell me you'd be early and 'Don't worry!' Don't even text to tell me when you'd be back" I was really amused hahahahahaha I know it's wrong to be finding humour when parents nag but it's honestly cute how they keep nagging at me instead of my brothers simply for the fact that I'm awake much earlier than the two of them when all three of us are up to our mischief. It's ironic. I should just try to sleep past noon for my ears' sake hahaahahaha. Okay I'm just kidding. I really love my dad and mom. (: For all that they nag, for all the different treatment I get simply because I'm a girl, I really appreciate the care they show me. I'm not that immature to just throw a tantrum and demand equal treatment anymore.

Nowadays I simply reason my way out WAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay I feel better now. I'm sorry for the crazy wordy post. I've so much on my mind I just don't know what to do.

There was one day where I was feeling empty, not unlike how I'm feeling now, and I went to visit Flea's cousin's dog. Which Flea had stolen LOL and was held captive at her place.

His name is Wish, but we decided he looked more like a BOBBO.

And here is a string of photos of my manhandling the poor dog.

I was really happy to be hugging a dog again, I hadn't played with a dog in ages. Sometimes I feel too overwhelmed and just stay away from playing with dogs.

Was covering his eyes from the flash lololol

AHHHH he was so cute.

Flea says she loves this shot. Bobbo looks so happy

He liked the wind. No seriously he did. "I am SuperBob!"

Miss my hair color. SIGH. Though everyone who has seen the new hair color prefers this.

This looks like the next

Which looks like the next

I love dogs I hope I'm able to become a good dog owner next time! :D

And I'll give my dog a decent name.. Like. CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!!!!

Okay goodbye.

what if

2012-01-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

There are days when I think about how happy we were, when I look at the countless photos we took, and I feel like giving up. There are times where I think about that day, when you made me wait for more than an hour -- and I feel ashamed to admit this, but sometimes I'd think "What if I'd just waited longer? What if I hadn't cried and called my friends for help, what if I'd just stayed and waited?"

But.. it wasn't worth it. What ifs will always remain what ifs. I'll never know, so all I can do is to be happy with what I have now.

Really though, sometimes I wish everything was like before.

.

A list:

#01. Got all my modules during Round 1A. Three L3s, let's go!!!
#02. Have dyed hair. Not crazed blonde anymore. Can't decide whether to be happy or not.
#03. Have just spent another one hundred bucks. Not monopoly money.
#04. Am turning into fat pig. But had someone refer to me as the "skinny girl" today. #LIKEMOTHERHAPPYONLY
#05. Am harbouring major crush on total stranger. Said total stranger is really, really, capable. Am only able to harbour crushes on passionate people who shine at what they do. Mega awesome

HI I LOVE THESE

2012-01-03T02:57:00.002+08:00

Just finished zhng-ing my previous entry. Lightened it up a lil', I think it was too solemn. Hoho. There're photos before that, so do press on the "Go Earlier!" link at the bottom of the page if you want to read archives!

Here are three tracks I cannot get out of my head:

WHAT THE F--

East London's not a bomb site
It is a treasure chest,
We use our penguin costumes
More than our evening dress
She said I should come over
Though the music's not my type
Don’t you know I'd chop a limb off
Just to have a good time

Shut up and move with me, move with me or, or get out of my face
I didn't queue for an hour to leave straight away
Shut up and stay with me, stay with me or, or let go of my hand
The lasers fill our minds with empty plans

I never knew I was a techno fan

~ Da da da da da da da

I would ask you to skip to 1:02 but the buildup makes everything else so much sweeter

.

Would refuse just on principle.

Goodnight, hope the new year's been treating you kind

2011, I bid thee farewell

2012-01-02T16:19:00.007+08:00

I started this entry on the first day of the new year, but it was impossible to complete. So it's dated the 2nd!

ETA

Just realised I missed a few things and some photos should appear here but aren't! So I'm zhng-ing the entry now HAHAHAHA

I cried on the first day of 2011, and here I am crying on the first day of 2012. I don't remember crying on the first day of 2010, and I sure hope this doesn't turn into a pattern. D:

-- I just read my first post of 2010, and my first post of 2011, they were so different. The former was an everyday entry filled with photos, and the latter was just a simple "I'm okay." Hahahahaha and the first post of 2012 shall be like the former, would that be preferable for y'all? (:

2011

January

I had pink lenses.

I went out a lot with close friends, and also with people I barely knew.

Beloved Gannuer!

Vv. (:

Nemmy

Boss

Exercised almost every day due to obsession with losing weight. *-*

Did a lot of things impulsively to remind myself that I could.

February

Chinese New Year!

Paternal family

Younger brother and I have altered our appearances to a great extent this past year

Charmed our way into 7 free drinks

Went clubbing on the second day of CNY, way to break tradition

One post read: "DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, WHO I AM, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SEEK, WHAT IS GOING ON, AND WHAT I'M ACHIEVING BY ALL THESE

I THINK I WENT A BIT OVERBOARD TODAY"

Met up with Huda a lot, who was my rock throughout that crazy period. We also met up to study a lot. And to shop. A lot. She also introduced me to The Coffee Bean's brilliant Smoked Salmon Sandwich and therein started a secret love affair

Recess week was filled with project meetings and photobooth shots

Zhiwei, the most amazing friend and best sitting partner, ever :D

Spent Valentine's Day alone, in the romantic sense..

But was surrounded with friends and much love (:

More loves from primary school

Rocks of my life, Andy & Meinu :D

March

The start of the month during which I had no choice but to face reality because someone close left me. Also, from archives, had the busiest and craziest academic semester yet was happily immersing self in work to escape unhappiness from real life. I recall numerous times when I burst into tears in front of Jian Gang but continuing with project meetings just moments later hahahahahah.

Best Yogurt in town. For realzx

Kor had his POP

Was listening to r&b a lot, but ventured into edm.

Best waffles in town

The Bitch Club holds a special place in my heart :3

April

WOW I have very few photos. I think I took a damned lot of photos in 2011, my 2011 folder has... 130 ALBUMS. WTF?!?!!??!!?!? I am stunned. I think the lack of going out for leisure, hence the lack of photos taken in April, was due to revision for examinations. Which paid off, I must say. I have fond memories of the hard work I put in for the modules I took in Year 1 Sem 2, lololol.

Let hair grow into an incredibly long length

Wild Honey, Orchard Central

BEST THING WHICH HAPPENED ALL MONTH: I went for my first ever non-choral concert and saw Adam Levine in person. Well he was a speck but I could see his butt. All was worth it.

Butt-seeing-induced-flying happiness

May

Wow I've so many albums from May. BIRTHDAY MONTH!! I was crushed by the apparent lack of care from someone and hence did something crazy -- dyed my hair for the first time, ever.

In which I made out with a female for the first time. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

More squiggly lines

Started drinking a lot more last year

V, who hooked me on to this--

NI TAMAGO

Also started clubbing a lot more last year

Went for my first play, Macbeth :D

Received the most elaborate present from Huda *touched

Wish they'd bring this back

Made an apple crumble tart for Mothers' Day

Second birthday present to self

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't care much where----" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"----so long as I get somewhere," added Alice as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if only you walk long enough."

; Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Lewis Carroll

Yizhen and Wanchun will always be the cutest sweetiepies :3

Was still so very unhappy

June

Started really getting into electronic dance music. Pete Tong's voice is firmly imprinted in my head. Lost hope and gave up in my heart. I think, to people who don't know me, if they knew why I was truly so sad, they'd be surprised. I'M NOT A SENTIMENTAL PERSON ON THE SURFACE RIGHT HAHAHAHA *ahemahem

In accordance with vice chairperson duties, organised four three outing to Playnation

The class of 4/3 '07 will forever and ever be the pride of my life. I know Meinu loves teasing me about how I used to try to appeal to the class -- "EH PEOPLE" -- but they really made an impact on my growing up. They shaped my beliefs and ideals. This is a wonderful bunch of people, and I'll never regret going to Anderson Secondary School.

Snuck out of the house for the Singtel Grid Girls 2011 auditions, and got in! Not the top 12, but considering when the judges asked "Why do you want to be a Singtel Grid Girl?" my mind was a total blank, it isn't too bad, right? :D

More ice cream with the bestie

Bought a wireless remote control for the nex 5, which culminated in an explosion of selfshots :3

Which allowed for shots like this too

Timbre with the primary school bestie on a Monday

Baked a lot that summer break

Had desperately tragic and sad posts not unlike this:

"It is dark in my room.

I sit down by the edge of my bed, with my legs perched on the side. I start to feel the tears welling up in my eyes. They gather at the creases of my eyes, and fall down past my cheeks.

I stare blankly into the darkness, just feeling the sensation of tears running down my cheeks.

But something explodes in me, it starts hurting really badly. It hurts in my stomach, my chest, everywhere. I start to choke. I start whimpering. I gasp and my chest starts heaving from gulping in air -- I try to make sense of it all, and fail.

My face scrunches up and I keep swallowing saliva desperately, as if emotion could be flushed away like that.

By now I have buried my face into my pillow; I rock myself back and forth, hugging it like it's my lifeline. I scream into it, I whimper into it, I use it to hide.

It's the whimpering I hate. I am scared of the raw screams.

*

.. I should've known better than to believe that I'd be important to someone, anyone."

Love Andy like a brother. I swear he spoils me.

Couldn't find the May issue of British Vogue which had Freja Erichsen, who is the prettiest model alive, anywhere -- not in Kinokuniya, not in Page One, ANYWHERE AT ALL -- and he went straight to the supplier to get me a copy just because.

)': Why my boss so teng wo. Like not worth it like that. BUT I GOT ANOTHER MAG WITH FREJA ON IT!! :D To add on to my collection.

Went out with a guy whom was younger than me. Age is but a trifle matter. Height is more important. HAHAHAHAHAH okay sorry I'm not that superficial. Just kidding.

July

WHERE I BECAME HAPPY :D

Best OG, ever :D

Ed, (:

Part 2, coming soon!

Favorite turtle, Edmund! :D

Am very grateful for Jasper and how he takes care of me in a very random manner. Everytime I tell him someone's bullying me he'd cheer me up in the strangest ways "Who isit now, I help you get ppl to beat him up" HAHAHAHA.

Blogged about what makes guys attractive to me: http://paaamela.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-makes-guy-attractive-to-you.html
Started getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex, which scared me, and at the same time, made me feel honored.

First attempt at an Oreo Cheesecake

Though we hadn't been talking much this year, still love this girl dearly

Bumped into someone at Vivocity and somehow, everything fell into place. It's not to say my happiness entirely rested on that person, but I do care a lot for people dear to my heart.

Fulfilled granddaughter and daughter duties

Got drunk for the first time in my life and caused a lot of trouble to my reputation, hurhurhur. Well it's an experience, I must say. I learnt from it. I'd be an idiot not to. No more drinking straight from different bottles ever again!

Went for Bingo Players at Zouk. IT WAS FABULOUS.

August

School was starting and I went for Arts O WEEK! :D One of my most elaborate entries with a hell lot of photos.

Got super tanned and had singlet tan lines

I started understanding that you don't necessarily have to be friends with someone first to feel more worthy of their friendship when compared to someone else, whom might have known that person first. Stupid personal rule, abolished.

Jasper (:

Miss doing cheers hahahahahahaah

Godwin, best person to be taking retarded photos with :D

Went for NUS RAG at the Promontory

Was really upset over the image my so-called partygirl self was giving. But with support from friends I came to understand it's what's inside that counts. So yeah, there wasn't a point in caring too much.

Met up with the JC class for an outing!

To think of the troubles I used to have with the guys, hahahahahaahah now they all seem so ridiculous. Well signs of growing up, eh? :D

I WAS A CLASS LEADER, along with Vv and Yiting (:

With Jen & Amanda at Arts BASH '11! :D

Pretty, pretty Yizhen!

Where I had three flamings and died

Also bought my first bikini, ever. I had strange tanlines from O week.

The month where Flea saved my life

Went for Alex Metric at Zouk. ZOUK WHY YOU SO AWESOME!! I pledge allegiance to Zouk, alright? They bring in the best guest djs. Plus their residents play a pretty mean set too.

Met a boy.

September

Got my roots done

Grid girl training where I met many girls who had height I wished boys had. Also, many pretty girls. Who did this sort of thing as a living! Events and such.

As if they were my own

Watched Cars 2 while someone watched me laugh

With Granny (:

Joven crashed GEK1507 lecture :D

School had started full force but my mind was elsewhere

After a very long time

Like a sister to me

The 'rents got me an iPhone

Hence the influx of photography app photos

Spent a lot of time with the love of my life. Had the happiest time of my life. Because everything was finally okay.

Went for the Formula 1 races as a Grid Girl!

Hair reached a stunning length *-*

Wasn't paying too much attention to schoolwork, which caused the worst results to be known to Pamela's parents. Messed up midterms!

October

Bidded farewell to Citibank for one of the most tedious group projects, ever. It made me stay overnight in school on a fucking Sunday!!!

OL day

Instead of revision, did stuff like crashing Flea's lecture in SIM

Felt the most painful sense of inferiority and kept comparing self to other girls. Was also accused of being loose by a total stranger, which should have been insulting, but hey. She doesn't know me, right? :D I'm better than that. Worked things out by reasoning and having belief.

Salted Caramel with Huda

October was like a pendulum; I swung from true contentment to unhappiness, all caused by the same boy. There were many arguments and I let myself get lost in it. I don't know why, and I'll probably never know why he was so special, maybe it was the entirety of it, maybe it was so believable, maybe I'd never been so contented -- all I know is, I was so happy. (: But since it's over you won't get to know who he was hahahahahahahahah

Also got a lot of haters on the tagboard HAHAHAHAHAH I think the friends were really annoyed till they just blasted them. THANKS GUYS LOVE Y'ALL FOR THE SUPPORT LOLOL.

With Mel and Flea at Butter's launch of YSPWSR! Met lotsa butter balls heehee.

Joven turned 21!

November

Was the perfect non-girlfriend.

I didn't take a lot of photos during this month, think I was too unhappy and studying for finals hahahaahah.

All the studying gave me brilliant hair, though.

A toil fell on my mother and she had to try her best to be the best daughter, sister, and mother all at the same time. Family met with problems and I too, tried my best to be the same. I was never as mature as this before, and for all they're worth, I am grateful for all these troubles, because they've allowed me to grow up.

Pondok Rasa with the girls! The post is just a few entries back :D

Met new friends. Had almost forgot what it was like to have fun by just meeting new people and learning things about them, about their experiences

Was a happy girl until the disagreements started

I think, what really kills me is that you don't understand what I really meant, when I said you weren't listening. However, what I'd really like to do, is slap myself for being so silly. For crying every single fucking day. For messing up my finals. Luckily, Flea Ng managed to make me see clearly and I ran. RAN FOR MY SANITY.

I WAS LIKE "Who are you and what have you done with my best friend

WHERE ARE ALL THESE PEARLS OF WISDOM COMING FROM?!?!!"

Hhahahaahahaah. I never realised how much I was hurting the people around me by not taking care of myself. By crying like fuck every day, by feeling like everything was bleak and I could only fall and never get up. My elder brother caught me sobbing to myself in my room -- literally sobbing and telling him I wanted to die, screaming 我这么笨我这么笨我这么笨 -- I think he was really stunned. But he said a lot of things which made sense. He said family members are the most important to him. "你以为我看你哭到这样我的心不痛吗 (You think I see you cry until like that I don't feel miserable too)?? You have a bright future ahead of you, don't let it be ruined by one guy"

HAHAHAHAAHAHAH fucking funny. Anyway I spent close to one thousand bucks this holidays without earning anything. I don't even have a pocket, let alone holes in my pocket

So I bade farewell to the unhappiest month of my life

December

Papa and Mama celebrated their 24th year as a married couple :D

Stopped being a hermit and met the OG

Met Timmy to shop in town, and he was a real friend to me. (: (: Thanks for listening and for all the advice!

Prawning for the first time, ever. Meet Ah Gong prawn!

Started a love affair with false eyelashes

Went for Kaskade's set at Zouk, it was the best one I've been to so far. :DDDDDDDD Had been to Zouk on the 4th, 16th, 24th, and 31st of this month. I love Zouk & Phutureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. *jumps

A kiss to end off the entry!

In all honesty, 2011 was a bitch. But writing this entry has allowed me to find precious treasures -- memories -- on many different occasions, with many different people. I think I met many guys and ran away from many things. But I'm proud of myself for being mature whilst handling certain issues. (: In a way I lost faith in myself and depended entirely on another to make myself whole. That in itself is a mistake, and I shall not be putting myself through such pain again. I now understand that one has to have a lot more faith in oneself, and LOVE YOURSELF A HELL LOT. Sometimes it pays to take care of yourself more. If you're good, they'd go to you, just naturally. It's like how both Arthur and Lancelot love Guinevere because she has a good heart; she needn't prove anything to others, y'knw? YES I'VE BEEN WATCHING MERLIN HAHAHAHAHAHAAH.

I also grew a lot closer to my siblings, and parents, and granny. I hope this is something that keeps going on. Family will always be the most important to me. Then friends. I thank all my stars for the friends I've found, they are really treasures.

2011 made me a better person, and for that I am grateful.

To all my readers: I hope you've had an awesome year, and that you've learnt from your experiences like I've had. I hope you had your smiles, and you had your tears; I hope you've been kind, and you've been gracious. I hope you know your self worth. If you haven't, if you're like me, and still in search for the best you can be, don't fret. There's still time. May 2012 be a better year, may 2012 bring more happiness and wisdom, may the new year bestow you with joy.

(: I don't think I've quite looked forward to a new year as much as I have done this year.

BYE 2011, HELLO 2012!

WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION

2011-12-31T15:56:00.000+08:00

this is Portia and that is Pamela

IT IS THE LAST DAY OF 2011. Good riddance to you, you bloody fucked up year. I'm sorry for the crudeness, but in all honesty, this has got to be the worst possible year ever. God, please don't display your sense of twisted humor and prove my proclamation wrong. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I'm not saying everything has been entirely disastrous though -- I did learn a lot from ALL my experiences. Reading my past entries I've always gone "I've been so stupid I'm NEVER going to let it happen to me again." And whilst I've never committed the exact same mistakes twice, I've realised they generally stem from the same cause, i.e. my being a complete prat and taking everyone's words at surface level. WHY AM I SO NAIVE?! This is the one last time I'm going to believe everything someone tells me.

I shall be less harsh on my reflection post. \o/

Yesterday, I watched Ju-On because the Pops laughed at my not daring to watch the show. I know, way to go reverse psychology, right? In the end, even though I was so tired I just didn't dare to sleep. Whatsapped Huda about silly matters and in the end she coaxed me to try to sleep -- "Put an umbrella next to your bed!" LOL when I saw this all I thought was "Man don't ghosts always hide in umbrellas HAHAHAAHHAHA yes, total retard -- at three plus and I fell asleep to Swedish House Mafia and Armin van Buuren. Had a fitful three hours of sleep and I woke up looking like death. I probably looked like the little ghost boy and his ghost mother with the creaking joints. The hell.

Woke up and ate eight peanut butter biscuits. :D Peanut butter I love you. Then I tried to watch teevee until I got too sleepy. LUCKILY, there's a wedding going on downstairs! And they had -- are still having -- karaoke, so I fell asleep on the couch to lovely emotional loveydovey songs and happy noises and the bright sunlight. AHHHH JOY.

Then I was awakened by some strange call. *-*

Oily face says hello

Got caught by my mommy dancing with my earphones on. SO EMBARRASSING, why like that. Then while I was vacuuming the floor, the ironing board almost fell onto my head while I was sprawled on the ground. Her retort: "Kena your head then see how you dance tonight" Hahahahaha love the momo.

I don't know what's the point of this post besides saying: Every one of us is worth something. We may make mistakes, we may have hurt people in the past, we may be better than the ones around us, we may know the difference from right and wrong and regret our decisions, but please have faith in knowing that you are not alone. Please take a step closer to the future knowing your self-worth, knowing that there are people wishing for the best for you, knowing that there are people who've been through the same suffering as you have. I have faith in myself, regardless of the slips that I've made this year. Do you have faith in yourself? For my sake, please just look at yourself in the mirror and say "You deserve to be happy." Pull yourself out of that gloom.

For what it's worth, I'll always have faith in you.

2011-12-30T03:51:00.000+08:00

should probably start sleeping earlier

Consequence

2011-12-29T03:37:00.001+08:00

I used to be braver. I used to do things, say things, without worrying about the consequences. Sometimes people got hurt. Sometimes I made too huge an impact and I left without a word. I'm living with the consequences now. I'll try to be less rash a person.

When I was younger, when I was angry with my brother, I threw all his clothes outside his door then locked my room door refusing him entry to the closet. He never cared, because my mom always ended up being the one folding the clothes.

PONDOK RASA @ Beach Road!

2011-12-28T01:49:00.000+08:00

*points to right corner*

Hello peeps, there's a Nuffnang ad for acne-fighting solutions at the right column, CLICK on it to get a free sample! I'm currently having a lil' trouble with pimples so this ad caught my attention. I guess I ate too many chocolates and fried and oily food these past few days. The appetite has been monstrous of late, and I've no reason to attribute this to. I suppose I just want to eat :D EATING HONESTLY BRINGS HAPPINESS. I am so happy from eating Crunchies and Van Houten Raisin chocolates. Of course we have to deal with the consequences -- like breakouts and exercising more -- but it's okay, good food is worth it, right?

Continuing in this vein, I have a place to introduce you guys to today!

Pondok Rasa at 103 Beach Rd #01-02 (Tan Quee Lan St), Singapore 189704! That's the full address but click HERE to be linked to their facebook page for more information. It's actually really easy to get there; cross the busy street from beside Bugis' Starbucks to the Ritz Apple Strudel Cafe and continue walking down that stretch of shops -- where you will pass an incredibly beautiful wedding dress bridal shop which currently has THE. MOST. STUNNING. peach-colored floor length tube dress on its display now. I would want to get married simply for that dress, I swear. I stood for a good minute gaping at the dress while walking past it recently -- then cross a tiny road and you'll be there!

Aren't you tempted by the captivating photos? It's a restaurant selling authentic Indonesian food! I know, maybe when you hear "Indonesian food", no familiar image pops into mind, unlike Thai food, which immediately brings to mind Tom Yum Soup, which was exactly how I felt too. But I am all for new foodie explorations! *rubs tummy

Insisting on taking a photo with the restaurant front

All taken by Flea Ng, THANKS :D

She loves spamming unglam shots of me though ): They take up a lot of memory space

But I managed to salvage three for this collage, which I think is pretty cool

ANYWAY I LOVE MY SWEATER DON'T YOU LOVE MY SWEATER

I first saw it on ohsofickle's webstore but didn't give a single thought because I'm so not a sweater kind of person, unlike Mrs Twit, but when I was walking around in Far East Plaza, its pinkness just killed me. (': IT'S SO SWEEEEEEEET. However after reaching home I realised there was a stitch out in the sleeve and went back to exchange it before meeting the rest. YES I WORE IT STRAIGHT AFTER; it's the first I've done something like this though many of my friends tell me they wear stuff without washing them. It just shows how much I love the pinkness of it. I was so eager to wear it! I LOVE MY PINK SWEATER

The funny thing is, when I showed Huda this photo, saying "Na since you're my best friend you can see it first" And she went "OMG I ALMOST GOT THAT" and I replied "Are you serious! It's like my first sweater! I don't know why I like it so much!" And we both typed, at the same time:

Huda: Yeah I saw it online somewhere but I didn't get it in the end because it had pink
Me: I THINK IT WAS THE PINKNESS THAT GOT ME

We laughed so hard, I swear. I don't know how we're total opposites and so similar at the same time!

Okay okay enough about the sweater, back to food :D

But first, I really like Gannuer's bag hahahah

And the blur queen takes four slips for us to fill out when we only need one -_-

Present: Zhiwei, Gannuer, Madam, Yokecheng!

We pored over the menu, taking in the photos and listening to the advice of Gannuer -- afterall, someone is the girlfriend of the chef, eh? :3

You can have a look at the menu on their facebook page!

Zhiwei decided on this:

Cucumber juice!

It's very refreshing and light, great for quenching your thirst on a warm day. (:

Flea and I shared this, Passionfruit juice

Very yummy and sweet (: (: (:

Belovedzx

This is our awkward smile

Miss Neo with her favorite mashed potatoes!

My main course!

Star of my main course! It's green curry, it's called Soto Medan (shredded chicken). I like that the spices're really well balanced, however I recall it being a tad too salty for my liking. But I am not a fan of salty things, so that I suppose, is relative.

Flea sabotaging my photo ):

An eye for an eye!! :D

We're retards, deal with it hahahahaahaha

Gannuer with her Curry Chicken :D Also very nice, but I like my green curry more! It's more fragrant

Zhiwei with her Curry Beef!

Asked Gannuer to show the mifen heehee

DINGDINGDING Actually the star of the day was this:

The Grilled Chicken Set!!

There is caramelised gulu melaka (palm sugar) coating the chicken, which gives it a nice burnt sugary taste -- I cannot get over how yummy it is! Kept stealing from Flea

Flea wrote a recommendation for Pondok Rasa on Facebook: "The BEST Grilled Chicken I've had! Makes me keep going back. place is cosy, clean and wonderful ambience. Authentic indo food. Very amazing how every dish can be of such high culinary standard. Kudos!
Try it and you'll never look back."

*nods* Wo zhen de hen xi huan. HAO CHI LEH!!

For all Muslim friends, the restaurant doesn't have a Halal certification, because they serve beer, but the food is supplied by all the proper channels! That's what Selamat told me (:

Avocado juice! I honestly, truly, am not a fan of avocado. I know it's supposed to be healthy and full of antioxidants but with the fruit, I've somehow always gotten stringy ones and with the juice, the creaminess makes me nauseous. So when Gannuer and Selamat insisted I should try this, because it's very different from what I've had, I was extremely skeptical. But when I tried it, it was pretty good! The chocolate sauce balanced out the creaminess of the avocado nicely. I wouldn't say it's my favorite drink, but it has certainly improved my opinion of avocado juice.

I would say this though, this is my favorite goreng pisang *_* I was in awe when I bit into it. Usually, when I buy goreng pisang, I encounter two types: either really thick batter which leaves a space between the banana and the flour, or flaky thin batter, both of which are not satisfactory. BUT THE GORENG PISANG HERE IS AWESOME!! The batter is so crispy. I asked Selamat why, I think I literally gaped and just had to know -- he uses fish&chip's batter to make it. WAHLAO WHY SO SMART.

Chendol for dessert!

He whipped up these for us!

Corn fritter thingys

I think what I really like about the place, besides the fantastic food, and the laid back, chill decor, is the hugeass mirror. LOL

Last thing Selamat recommended: TAPE, pronounced Ta-pai. Biting into it is like biting into a chunk of alcohol-laced jackfruit. I liked the first bite but it got too overwhelming for me after. Flea and Gannuer gobbled it down though. :3

Looking like chickens HAHAHAHAH

Gannuer and Selamat :D

Asked him to take photos for us (:

Love this shot! It's so candid & Miss Neo looks so cute

Thank you Selamat for inviting us over to your restaurant (we paid for our food, please don't be insane hahahaha. But he treated us to all the extras, saying we just had to try them)! (: (: I really enjoyed myself there, and when I went back for a second time recently, I got to try the Mango Sticky Rice -- which isn't on the menu, you'd have to ask if Selamat would want to make it for you, because he made it only for Gannuer heehhehehe -- some fish swimming in FABULOUS chilli concoction, and to eat my lovely goreng pisang again! All did not disappoint. So go on ahead to have a meal there if you happen to be shopping in the Bugis area!

Zhiwei had to leave after dinner, but the rest of us walked around a lil'. While Flea's soul was being sucked by Ettusais products, Gannuer and I made stupid faces:

Then Gannuer returned home while Flea and I loiter around in town, grocery shopping at Marks and Spencer

I got this, which is happiness in a cup. MMMMM (: Love the smell

While Flea's detox concoction tasted horrible gawddddddd. I think it's the combination of nettle and milk thistle

HEEHEE I GOT THE SPECS

\o/

Okay I'm replying tags now hahahhah

sinyee:
(hearts) you are worth it pamela!

THANKYOU YEE BABY (:

alice:
Omg why u blogged about and sec choir moments. Feel so ... now T.T (can't find the words)

Haha I was looking through my email and I discovered it! Haha bu yong emo okay, we've got videos :3

wanchun:
Hahaha your stern face looks more like a hot pose for a magazine cover :3 Hehehe. And I hope we meet up soon! Then I can treat you to ice cream

HAHAHAAHAH NA LI HUI?!?!!? Yes wanchun m'dear I haven't seen your pretty face for so long, miss you!!!

min:
if that's your stern face, nobody will be scared.

D: JUST INDULGE ME CAN

sinyee:
hate my fringe ahhahahaa

Hair is hair is hair. Think about my sec two self. :3

alice:
In awe when I see the lobster-prawn hybrid again hahaha. :D

AH GONG PRAWN!!

ken:
fix the last pic leh, my hair looks very very high ):

No one noticed until y'mentioned it HAHAHAHA. Sorry la I think my pancake lens has a bit of fisheye sometimes. Idk how to fix, me no know how to use photoshop O:

THANK YOU FOR TAGGING, AS ALWAYS, LOVE Y'ALL :D

Just uploaded and tagged two whole albums of photos and am super exhaused, but.. Half my closet is strewn over my bed and I'm too lazy to fold the clothes -_- am contemplating sleeping downstairs tonight but watched them play Resident Evil the other day hence memory of zombies still fresh in head. Yes, self is coward, admittance is voluntary. Shall snuggle into my Italia sweater and fold my clothes speedily *NINJA FACE

Ciaociao, loves (:

I love you more than any universe

2011-12-27T03:20:00.001+08:00

I'm starting to forget how your face looked like. How you walked, how you smelt. The way you smiled, the way you held my hand. I can't remember the way you pulled me close to you.

As much as I want to hold on to these things, I know it's better to let things be. These material matters were but what they were. Experiences and emotions.. I have those to be grateful for.

I am angry, that you did not treasure me. Everything that I did for you. And I now recognize when someone is treating me as arm candy. I'm not a little girl anymore.

But my anger has dissipated, and that is all.

Have yourselves, a merry little christmas

2011-12-25T14:03:00.000+08:00

It is Christmas.

I don't know what to feel, perhaps that is fine. It is a whirlwind of emotions, thinking about what happened a year ago, thinking about what has happened this past year. I have come to realise, almost everything is transient. I don't even feel much now, when I consider everything else, along with how important you were to me -- because, one can get attached to people, and feel that they're important to them, but, that's the thing, it's plural. People. There'll never be one person. This year, I became close to many people and I drifted away. Maybe I was running away, maybe I don't dare to.. I don't know. Things have proven themselves, there's no need for words. You were right, in a way, actions speak louder than words. The lack of action... But I learnt from it. I learnt so much from being hurt. Most importantly, I learnt that the opinion I have of myself will be the most important, and that I should stop putting myself down.

I learnt that my family, and my friends will, forever and ever, be the most sincere relationships in my life.

It is Christmas.

I'm thankful for all that I've gone through, and for all that I have in my life.

Just spoke to the exboyfriend, and I'm glad he's okay. I think I'll forever feel a tinge of guilt when I think about him, because I never was the best I could be, when I was with him, but I'll forever love him in the way people affectionately love their first loves. He meant the world to me, once, and he always wanted the best for me (and still does, from the way he told me to buck up on my studies, pfft).

It is Christmas.

I am happy.

OHHH, SOMETIMES I GET A GOOD FEELING

2011-12-24T14:57:00.001+08:00

IT'S about time my stern (& emotional) face got pulled off the front page! It's a downer isn't it :3 Sorry for the lack of updates for the past few days. I've been really upset about my results and thinking a lot about what I should do with my life in general.

.. TO THROW IT AWAY OR NOT TO!??!

Okay no, I kid. I treasure my life more than that. Besides doing some thinking, I've also been told by my mom, specifically, to "not step out of the house". So I've been.. grounded?!?!? O: O: O: Okay not really. She's quite disappointed -- because I've never been so CANDID about my studies -- thus I'm trying to make it up by being really good now.

I made lunch yesterday:

Creamy baked vegeroni. Love the crusty salty parmesan bits on top.

Taken with the iphone so pardon the lack of clarity. I WAS VERY DISAPPOINTED WITH IT, it didn't turn out as amazing as the last time I made it. *fumes* I checked the previous photos and I think it's because I substituted unsalted butter with olive butter or that the amount was wrong. PEW

From the last time, using penne

My mom had bought a pack of ham; I felt so carnivorous that I made this this morning:

Eggs with ham& onions :D

I learnt a lesson - to never throw in chopped ingredients into a hot pan right after chopping the ingredients. When I threw the onions in, there was a hell lot of sizzling and my mom, seated at the dining table, whooshed her head around so fast and gleefully said "YOU NEVER WAIT FOR THE INGREDIENTS TO DRY FIRST?!" My guilt-ridden face said it all. WAHLAO then I had to mop and wipe the whole area.. *twiddles thumbs

Also, to caramelize onions, one must have more patience than Pamela does.

SINCE I am stuck at home with nothing to do, all I can do is blog with more photos! :D Onward to another laid back, chill and neighbourhood kid activity.

WE WENT PRAWNING!

I was quite excited 'cos I'd never gone before, plus Huimin and Edmund kept teasing me and saying I'd definitely scream having to touch the bait and when I catch my first prawn. They said it with such definite belief that I'd catch more than one while in my mind I was thinking I'd be hella lucky to even get one HAHAHAHAH.

But first, I met Alice on the way to Sengkang!

I had blundered onto the bus in my usual haphazard manner, so I didn't register anyone else's presence in the bus, then I received a text saying "Hello look behind u..." Even though it was her number I still turned my head around slowly as if with horror music accompanying the scene HAHAHAHAAHAH. Horrible girl, she said she should've ducked after sending the text to freak me out ):

We were at Hai Bin Prawning at Punggol! I think it's pretty famous among people my age because I see people checking in onto it on Facebook all the time. But in any case the people there were of all ages! From really old ah peks to middle aged women to young teenagers to ~~annoying~~ lil' pricks running about flinging their rods. WE BELONG IN THE YOUNG TEENAGERS CATEGORY LOL

VONG! :D

Minzx & Meinu!

Ai li si :D

The place was blasting.. CLUBBING MUSIC *jaw drops* Rnb hits. I was tickled haahhahaha because the crowd just did not gel with the music being played.

VONGER I think we look pretty alike here! D: Hohoho

PRAWNING FACE, ON!! (Compare this to photos of my going clubbing HAHAHAHAAH. There's quite a difference, no? But I'm really, quite the neighbourhood kid. At least, I used to be. We don't forget our roots, yo)

But I lost my from the hood nerves when I saw this

YUCK

At that time Meinu had said it was rotten hum (cockles found in laksa?), but he found out later that it's actually chicken heart. WHYYYYYYYYYY OMG

*shudder

Here's the rod

Forced yee to pose with it heehee :3

The only experienced guy putting the bait for us; Huimin had gone prawning before too but she let Meinu do the dirty job. Alice, Andy, Yee and I hadn't gone before!

SO INTENT ON HIS JOB HAHAHAHA

Meinu's bicep seems to have gotten bigger O:

Minzx refusing to pose ):

First catch!! I was very excited when it came out of the pond. I think Huimin caught it :D One for the girls! Oh, we had a guys vs girls competition going on

Have a closer look at the blue-shelled prawn

I had a go and I. Literally. Could. Not. Feel a thing when the prawn caught on onto the bait. NO FOR REAL!! My first catch was a fluke, Huimin was standing by my side and she saw my float thingy dip so she grabbed my free arm and told me to pull the rod up. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH lameass shit, I am. But think about it!! How much strength would a friggin' small prawn have?!?! How could I have felt its tug hahaahahahaha

Boss having a go. He's as skinny as the rod

And he catches one! Meinu kept chastising him for not keeping his float thingy afloat and straight heehee

This one has roe ._. MAMA PRAWN

Na give you artistic shot

As you can probably tell, and have probably predicted, this lady here soon lost interest. HA I was more interested in people watching than catching a prawn. I couldn't concentrate and in my defence, even if I was, I COULDN'T FEEL THE PRAWN TUGGING!! -_- I kept thinking there was something at my rod but everytime I brought it up there was nothing. -_- But I caught three in the end I think hahahaha.

Gave up and got a corona

Sit until macam coolie worker, just shake leg and drink beer. LOL. Yee, on the other hand, was very busy because her cousin was there and taught her how to fish too!

However, then came a shocker. Liz caught a HUMONGOUS PRAWN

IT WAS GIGANTIC

POSING LIKE A PRO!! :D

I very keenly tried to take as many shots as they would let me

Pulling its long pincers off

Meinu looking in awe of the ancient creature. We coined it AHGONG prawn. It must have been either a grandma or a grandpa in its old age! It wasn't even struggling, too old to fight

IT'S EATING MEINU'S HEAD!!

Nem looking very chill after the episode. I think he was more excited for his SNSD concert.

Whilst they continue prawning, I..

Take more photos :D

THE ENDING SCORE:

The... GIRLS won 'cos the gigantic prawn was worth five prawns!! :DDDD *covers ears to anything else anyone says

Spot AH GONG PRAWN!

We head out to wash and skewer the prawns.

By that time it was already 3plus and the clubbing music had ceased. They suddenly played random chill music like hokkien songs and emo chinese songs. D:

Boss refusing to pose properly ):

The skewering was strangely, fascinating yet horrible to watch. I guess when the prawns get displayed in the midst of hokkien mee we don't think much of it, but when you're there and watching -- I didn't dare to skewer it -- it's just.. painful I guess. Watching their struggling legs

PRAWNING ONLY LEH PAMELA NG MUST THINK SO MUCH MEH ):

Aye but I suppose there's always the food chain as a reason. Yes?

Ah gong prawn getting skewered

(:

Nem up to his antics behind me -_-"

Love these three ladies (:

We were all pretty tired by then so please excuse all the fatigued yet happy expressions!! Chef Kenelm Ramsey went to work cooking for us and got yelled at as if in Hell's Kitchen. PRAWNS'RE DAMN DIFFICULT TO COOK! I only had one, and Meinu had peeled off the shell of that one for me WAHAHAH

Look at how big Ah Gong Prawn is next to a normal one. We didn't even pick a smaller one on purpose!

"Hello, grandson"

We then adjourn to Nem's house to nua. Huimin, Vong, Meinu and I played Bridge!!! FUCKING AWESOME HAVEN'T PLAYED IN SO LONG. Playing Bridge at five in the morning takes some skills, okay? Apparently I don't have said skills because I was on a losing streak from the beginning. LOL each of them lost as my partner. But my luck picked up and I remember winning a 4 diamonds! :D Forgot who was my partner though O:

Ending off with Mac's breakfast :D

Nemmy looks so happy <:)

Love these buncha people so much, don't know what I'd do without them. (:

OKAY my mom just told me I'm damn fat now I need to do something to curb my appetite ): ): ): It's been out of control these few days. I keep eating dinners at nine plus ten plus then having supper at two am NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fats are appearing everywhere

SAYONARA

Oh yes,

Happy Christmas eve, y'guys (:

Do you hear me when I breathe

2011-12-21T02:56:00.002+08:00

this is my stern face.

I recently discovered this in one of the emails I'd sent to myself:

[start]

At work, Michael Jackson’s Earth Song wriggled its way onto my playlist. Instead of skipping it like I usually do, I listened to it.

It made me think of choir.

Being two persons with different taste in music than the masses (not that MJ is that on the outskirts but still, you know. Earth song!), Huda and Yihan suggested showing the music video to the 2007 SYF batch of Anderson Secondary School choir for us to feel the emotions that we ought to feel and portray while singing Kasar Mie La Gaji.

[Digress] I just googled Kasar Mie La Gaji to check if I got the name right – I didn’t, by the way, I wrote Kasar Mie La Gahi – and there is a gasp group on Facebook called Kasar Mie La Gaji is one of the worst choir songs ever! Isn’t that atrocious? It is one of the best songs, puhlease. [/Digress]

All of us were camped in the music room, expectant and slightly giggly.

Somehow, it’s in everyone’s genetic makeup to behave like little children when a large crowd occupies a dark room, only dimly lit by the blue light from the LCD screen.

When the video started, the bubble of incredulity in my mind grew. It only disappeared when I started listening to the lyrics and take in all the horrid photos of the dying animals.

It helped, you know. Visualising the images from the video when singing Kasar. The earth is tired.

The raw emotion on his face, the impact of his music – it perfectly describes how we are forsaking Mother Earth.

It really made me feel for the song.

Two days before SYF, we had practice. We were so bad it hurt. We weren’t scolded, though. Ms Lim was sort of resigned. “If you all do your best, it will be good enough,” she said. Or something like that.

Of course everyone knows that. But in our hearts, if we give our best, and failed to BE the best, it is equivalent to nothing (i.e FAILURES, we how we felt like, in secondary two; there was so much self-reproach. We could have, we should have, what ifs.)

18th April 2007

In the music room, we sang through our songs one last time before leaving for VCH.

When we finished Kasar, there was a shift in the atmosphere. There seemed to be a glimmer of hope in the air. The thought of silver award flitted in all our minds. It seemed to be within reach.

For myself, mortification was much more pronounced than the hope of clinching silver award. For the last move of Kasar, we were to raise our arms to the sky in a show of… anger. Right? That’s how the song goes. First, sadness for how the earth is mistreated. Second, mourning. Lastly, anger, in order for people to start taking action. At least, that’s how I remember it. People who are more musically inclined or have a better memory, feel free to correct me. :D Or you could just shut up.

Well anyway, I was extremely mortified because I put down my arms much earlier than anyone else, because my heel was caught on to the end of my gown! Ms Lim noticed and even said, “Can only put down when I signal ah!”

I was so embarrassed, and I prayed like mad that the incident would not repeat itself during the actual event. I vaguely remember deciding that if the same thing occurred, I would just hold up my arms and let my gown rip. LOL.

When we went on stage, I felt like I was having an out of body experience, yet I was very much aware that I was right there, along with my choir mates, with Ms Lim in front of us, arms poised, telling us so many things with her tensed smile, a quick nod and flick of her hair. I strongly remember a great sense of pride when the basses (and tenors, those who could reach the note, anyway) started singing Kasar. I could hear each individual voice – Chewy’s, Yihan’s, Vernon’s – but they sounded like one.

I think the song was amazing. I can’t remember much of it sounded like, but I remember vividly, each emotion I felt at each part of the song. At the end of it, I was breathless, but I was exhilarated. We did it!

An excerpt from my post that day:

HAHA it was totally funny. Subeer called me(i was in the empty canteen with flea, alice & gannuer) and said we got GWH. I didn't believe him, and ran to meet him. Then he confirmed that he wasn't lying. Then i ran back to the canteen to tell them. Then i was so high. Ran a few twirly rounds in the parade square. But still didn't really believe Dutt. So i called Yeeching to confirm. She said, "WE GOT A THREE LETTER AWARD. DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT'S GWH OR NOT." (We can't possibly get C.O.P right) So i went crazy and ran more rounds. Screamed like crazy. Screamed like siao. Screamed GOLDWITHHONOURS at the top of my lungs. Suddenly i felt teary. Felt so happy i could burst. Started crying. Gannuer got affected and cried too. We worked so hard. Flea started tearing. I cried black tears cos my mascara ran. So horrible. Alice wiped my face for me. Thank you darling. We worked so hard.

The hilarious thing was, just among the five of us (4 & kelicia), we screamed so loudly that Mr Koh actually opened the window of the staff room to look out to see what was happening! LOL. I couldn't stop laughing after that. It was this combination of crying and laughing. Lol.

Damn. One song brought back countless emotions.

I’ll never ever be able to describe adequately, even to five per cent, how much I respect and adore Ms Lim, and her dedication to Anderson Sec choir. I’ll never be as fluent, and I’ll never be able to write out a beautiful paragraph about her effort, her abilities, and her intelligence. But knowing that she’s the best should suffice.

[/end]

Somehow, along the way, I lost the person who was able to write with emotions -- to bring across how she's feeling. I was more passionate about my studies, about people around me (maybe that didn't change), about my responsibilities.. everything. I cared more about everything. Maybe I still do, but without the appropriate people around me, with jobs handed down to me, I don't seek out anything for myself. Perhaps this is a wake up call. Maybe I need a huge jolt before I realise I cannot possibly drift about with no goals. I REALLY APPRECIATE your phone call. It cleared my mind a little.

Smoke signals wouldn't have brought across my words

.

"There is still time," you say. And you hug me.

.

If you need some cheering up, please try this:

Sourmilk at Far East Plaza, it's next to shilin snacks!

I usually get plain yogurt at Yoguru and Red Mango (both of which I am huge, crazed fans of), but strangely, I like the flavored ones at Sourmilk. The girl working there is really pretty too, I made friends with her :3 and she gave me her staff discount! Hahahaaha on first buy. Anyway this happened like half a year ago; look at my long silky hair which had only been bleached once. SIGH. Anyway, Jaryne's really friendly and nice, but I think she's stopped working there.

GRANOLAAAAAAA

You squeeze the button to get the yogurt and spoon the toppings yourself! Mine always looks like crap. Like literally, poop.

But evs. This is yogurt induced happiness. And that was lunch.

This was dinner!

And this. But Gelare's and Ice Creme Man's (at Haji Lane) beat this.

Randomly asked the primary school crush out. We were at Tom's Palette! Near Suntec City. :D The ice cream is fabulous. I had ordered a lychee with rose petals -- IT WAS SO LIGHT and it made me feel like I was having tea with Mad Hatter. I can't remember the other flavor though. I remember tasting salted egg and gagging. Eeps.

Ice cream is all we need to keep sadness at bay

Anyway my friend Melcher works there! He is very cute so pop down for a visit if you wanna grab some awesome ice cream and check him out LOL.

.

I need sleep to clear my head. It is three am.

2011-12-20T08:44:00.003+08:00

You expected these results, so there's no point in crying over split milk.

So you see, it's not worth it. It'll never be worth it.

versace

2011-12-19T04:15:00.000+08:00

Maybe I should convince myself first before I try to be happy again. Maybe I should really grieve and just let myself go.. Maybe I'll never be okay, but -- I know I will, somehow or the other. Because it's up to myself. In the meantime though, I really, truly thank all these people around me who're trying their best to make me see I deserve better. A few days back, I broke down and Momma just hugged me and all I could do was look at her through screwed up eyes and cry.

"我的心好痛..."

.

Today I indulged in laksa with a lot a lot a lot of extra chilli for supper. It was very satisfying! Haven't given in to my cravings for a very long time. I feel a little queasy now though. Too much oil.

I've been listening to deadmau5 a lot so life is good. It is four am.

KASKADE @ ZOUK

2011-12-18T02:35:00.001+08:00

Dear diary,

yesterday I relapsed.

.

HI BLOG I AM ARMED WITH PHOTOS. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy a bimbotic update by yours truly. :D All my photo albums have been haphazard of late, and there's no semblance of chronological order in my iPhoto anymore. THE OCD IN ME IS HORRIFIED. Aye but I need some cheering up, so here are photos of me in which I feel I look pretty.

I managed to convince Ng Yoke Cheng to go to Zouk with me yesterday, because Kaskade was playing and I really wanted to go. I think I started listening to Kaskade because... of some random track in Pete Tong's show. AND HE IS FUCKING AWESOME.

As with preparations for going out, there are also preparations to be done before clubbing. I secretly enjoying the whole dressing up bit, I think. A tad too much. I recently tried on falsies by myself (the first time being Flea helping me a couple years back, and the next couple was during grid girl time!), and I'm AMAZED at the difference those wispy ends make. D: I've always loved the feeling of mascara, especially clumpy mascara, so I've never really bothered with falsies, but they really make your eyes pop. However I'm still trying to grasp putting them on properly, heh.

Besides makeup, there is also the outfit, the body creams, the body glitter, the perfume, the HEELS, and the hair. It's a ritual. I recently bought Urban Decay's Honey Sparkling Lickable Body Powder to replace my The Body Shop's Cranberry Joy Shimmer Lotion:

I think I was just really sold on the faggoty royal purple puff provided. And the fact that it's edible! ANYONE WANT TO LICK ME? :D

Yesterday was a day of using new stuff; I had a new dress on, new heels, using my new body glitter, curled my hair using my new curling iron, and was wearing new falsies! Heehee

Picked Flea up in a cab:

Topshop Black Suede MaryJanes. I swear they look more formidable in real life. They're fucking six inches!

And all those efforts should be translated to peektures, no? :D

Pretty bestie! :D

We were just plonking around in the backseat of the cab annoying the cabbie with camera flashes and behaving like zombies. She tried to lick me! LOL

Tried doing eyeshadow slightly different this time..

I'm just going to upload the photos without narration okay!

I THINK I LOOK PRETTY HERE. Doesn't look like me LOL

We both look so gay here! Was snorting at something she said and couldn't hold in my laughter

Brandishing the legs in war shoes

Flea looks so pretty here!! I looked like shit hence the crop

Met Flea's friend from school, Alex, for the first time! He waited for half an hour for us, poor guy *sheepish WELL WE'RE WORTH THE WAIT. Heh. Then we met with Yihan and a few other Anderson sec peeps. :D

Alex and Flea!

Shot on the sleazy bridge. This is my first bodycon dress! Actually, it's also my first horizontal striped dress. I have always felt extremely selfconscious and too fat to be seen in a bodycon dress but I like this one! :D

Love the bestie's jumpsuit!

Love the bestie too. (:

Went inside, and I saw Nicholas Tan -- I always see his twitter name, museorama, SO sometimes I refer to him as that in my mind it's kinda funny hahahaha -- and in my excitement to greet him I fell over the podium -_-" Now my right leg has a stretch of bruises on the bone. Boo.

KASKADE WAS REALLY AWESOME. The music was so good. I regretted leaving Zouk for a few minutes to check out Phuture (only made me feel bad anyway, I shan't step into Phuture for a long, long, long time) and coming back to have Nic tell me I missed Levels ): ): BUT IT'S OKAY because the whole night was brilliant. Man the music was fucking awesome. Danced till I got so high, I felt like I was reaching the sky. I could jump in my six inch pumps, too! The only slightly off putting thing was getting guys asking me to dance with them.. :/ I don't know how to put this nicely, but, I just prefer to dance on my own. Sounds so anti-social lololol. But of course I dance with friends! :DD

I think I was like a crazed lady 'cos I kept yelling at Yihan "I LOVE THIS TRACK!! I LOVE THIS!!" and we'd exchange song names while dancing together. :DDDD

The six inches does take some getting used to, though. My muscles were aching like mad. I shall do the heels justice by taking proper photos of them soon, aite? (: I was really annoyed when someone spilt a jug near me though -- my heels were drenched in alcohol ):

Okay I'm going to leave a few youtube videos here for you to listen to which were dropped by Kaskade so you can have a slight feel -- only a slight feel though, there is no beating the real thing by being there and dancing like fuck with all the rest of the crazed people -- of how high I was last night!

:D

(why the girl so pretty!!!! JEALOUS MAX)

In no order whatsoever. I am so not a deejay hahahaahahaha

Waiting eagerly for another favorite of mine to play at Zouk WHOOP!!

el major, forever and ever <:

2011-12-16T14:24:00.001+08:00

This is very random, but..

I think my favorite semester will forever be sem 2 of freshman year. I took psycholinguistics and discourse structure, and they were, genuinely, two of the modules which left remarkable influences on my impressionable mind. Especially because they had been given by two professors who are truly teachers in their right. They nurture and their words make me think and so very much appreciate all these thoughts brought up by them -- because I won't take my right to learn for granted. Prof Abraham and Dr. Oh really helped me in my decision to be an English Language major, regardless of how many people scoff at my decision and my so called limited career choices, I know, in my heart, I enjoy what I'm learning now.

I will forever, and ever, be in awe of the power of language.

Let's not talk about last sem hahahahaah

hello, bunny ears

2011-12-16T03:38:00.000+08:00

REPLYING THE TAGS:

flea:
HAHAHA I laughed so hard at your reindeer pose
can upload or send me the photos? Eh you know I love you

DAMN I haven't uploaded the photos D: D: love you too hunnybunny!

sinyee:
the previous time was when we went to sing right?? haha anyway i dont like marble slab!!! but cold stone is niceeeeeee

HAHA yes at teoheng! Oh marble slab is overrated, meep

alice:
Omg didn't know u took us when we were eating lol!

I am master of SNEAKINESS ^-^

zhi wei:
i inherited the neo family's ass. i swear at least 1 girl per generation has the huge/qiao ass. XD anyway! i DID hit the lib meeeeep hope you'll feel better yeah (-;

It's okay, I love your qiao ass LOL. Eh I've been reading too. DEPRESSING STUFF. Aww thanks dearie. Love ya

flea:
whooooooo (heart)

WHOOP

joanne:
yea french manis make you look more demure LOL

YOUR GANMA IS THE EPITOME OF DEMURE, OKAY?! *ahemahem Okay I can't even say that without wanting to um chio

Huda:
All the hugs in the world. See you soon k? (heart)

LOL we always tag with hugs but we never ever hug each other when we see each other

wanchun:
(heart) sending you some love. By the way, your hair looks gorgeous ^^

HEEHEE Thanks love! Miss you, can we meet up soon!!

zhi wei:
giving you my virtual hug! (& hazard is so cute)

EHEHEEHE we'll be seeing him soon :D

Huda:
(hearts) sian you made me tear #wtf. But thank you xinfinity, ily max, yes we need to meet soon. *beams* YOU ARE FOREVER LOVED.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SO EASY AH. You sappy twat. Yes I love you too (:

THANK YOU FOR TAGGING, MY DARLING SUGARPIES! :D

been spending fuckloads of moolah, I should try to maintain some sense of sanity and monitor what I spend on @-@ Been bumming around watching lots of random shows -- mostly detective shows and murders --, reading, prancing around in heels to dance music when left alone at home and convincing myself fbts&school tees with specs is fucking sexy, wearing makeup just for a simple dinner, drinking lotsa beer, breaking my rule of not drinking or eating things which aggravate my cough, vacuuming, and getting very little sleep. Best thing is seeing Flea a lot.

MY LIFE IS GOOD.

If all goes well, sem 1 of third year is going to be spent overseas

been taking photos mainly with the iphone, finally used the nex5 today. I really want to have brilliant photos of myself, someone with a professional camera and skillzx please offer to take my photoooooooooooooooooooo I swear I'll lose weight to look better

-- HAHAHAHAHHAAH not really

I utter rubbish almost all the time.

Bye.

don't be fooled by your emptiness
there's so much more room

for happiness

!!!!!

Happy 20th, Mrs Twit! :D

2011-12-14T01:21:00.000+08:00

TODAY'S POST IS DEDICATED TO THE BEST FRIEND ^-^

Happy birthday, Miss NoorHuda Amalina! :D

<

After looking at photos of the two of us, I conclude that we both have a love affair with coffee, ice cream, and smoked salmon. And taking photos. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH.

Happy birthday m'dear girl, you're majorly loved! I hope you enjoy this glorious day of yours -- you're FINALLY twenty, but Lord knows you have been acting more mature than what twenty year olds are expected to behave like, right? --and that your wishes all come true! :D Please be happy on this awesome day, you deserve it. Thank you for being the best friend one could have; I appreciate all the times you've been here for me, at the strangest hours, all the calls of mine that you pick up even after a couple of hours of sleep, all the words, all you've done, everything. YOU ARE BRILLIANT. :D Love you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, MEET FOR BUX/SMOKEDSALMON/B&J SOON PLEASE?!?!

silly little girl

2011-12-13T03:00:00.000+08:00

A year ago this time, I just returned home, delirious from spending my two year anniversary with Zhenkai, and feeling contented and happy that I had him, I loved him, and that he was there with me.

I loved Zhenkai; he was the best to me, he took care of me, every time he came over I kicked him off the bed and slept like a pig while he had to entertain himself. When I wanted massages I got massages. When I threw tantrums because I didn't know what I was unhappy with he tried to find out why. Baobei. I always called him baobei. He was precious to me. I cared for him. But we weren't meant to be. Some things just aren't meant to be.

Today I'm alone.

But there's a difference between being loneliness, and solitude. I'm okay. I can't do relationships, I never could.

.

Today someone told me I was special. He told me I'd never know how much I meant to him. Then he didn't bother to elaborate. I've realised, sometimes, someone can say exactly the words you want to hear, those words to reassure you and comfort you, and then fall flat on those words. What do they call them? .. Empty promises. Someone else can make you feel like you're important to him. And make you feel worth something. But not be able to put it into words. And it's okay. Because you know, in your heart, you actually meant something to that person. You don't have to hear it in words.

You are always special
Don't ever doubt that, yea?

we found love in a hopeless place

2011-12-09T09:05:00.003+08:00

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good

almost is the.. word. almost.

2011-12-08T13:28:00.001+08:00

My cough is back. After one mini mars bar! And umm. Bubble tea. And iced lemon tea. And fish&chips. IMMUNE SYSTEM, WHY YOU SO LOUSY.

(:

2011-12-08T05:21:00.001+08:00

I treasure myself more than how you were treating me.

I will be fine.